ترفندهایی برای حرف شنو کردن مردان در زندگی زناشویی!!

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ترفندهایی برای حرف شنو کردن مردان در زندگی زناشویی!!

ارتباط خوب و موثر داشتن یکی از مهمترین نیازهای بشری را تشکیل می دهد

 

در این مقاله  چند مورد از مواردی که با رعایت آن در طول یک هفته متوجه تفاوت‌هایی در ارتباط با همسرتان خواهید شد که هرگز قبلاً با آن‌ها برخورد نداشتید را بیان می کنیم؛ این موارد و ترفندها از شوهر شما یک مرد حرف‌شنو در صورتی که به آنها پایبند باشید، خواهد ساخت

 

مردان چگونه به حرف همسرشان گوش می‌دهند؟

ارتباط خوب و موثر داشتن یکی از مهمترین نیازهای بشری را تشکیل می دهد که از طریق گفتگو کردن به عنوان ابزاری برای برقراری ارتباط امکان پذیر می شود. گفتگویی لذت بخش است که شنونده از کلام هایی که شنیده و گوینده به دور از خستگی و دلزدگی از مصاحبت با شنونده خشنود باشد. به طور معمول اکثر خانم‌ها راه ارتباطی و بیان احساسشان متکی بر گفتگو است و این نیاز را بیشتر از آقایان در خود حس می‌کنند. همچنین در اغلب مواقع شکایت بیشتری از اینکه توسط همسرانشان  شنیده نمی‌شوند دارند. به هر حال برای هر معضل ارتباطی راهکارهای کارآمدی وجود دارد که وضعیت ارتباطی انسان را بهبود بخشیده و کیفیت زندگی‌اش را افزایش می‌دهد.

  

روشتان را عوض کنید

در اولین گام به این بینش برسید که روش‌های گذشته کارآمد نبوده است که بتواند اتفاق خوب (شنیده شدن) را برایتان به ارمغان بیاورد پس روشتان را عوض کنید. با همسرتان در جایی صحبت کنید که هیچ‌چیز حواسش را پرت نکند. گر چه ممکن است خیلی دلتان بخواهد هر لحظه که ناراحتید به او زنگ بزنید یا زمانی که در محل کار سرش شلوغ است پای تلفن به درد و دل‌های شما گوش بدهد اما این روش نتیجه خوبی نخواهد داشت.

بهترین مکان برای حرف زدن جایی است  که آرام و به دور از هیاهوی موبایل و تلویزیون باشد. اگر بچه دارید صبوری کنید تا او بخوابد یا در خانه نباشد تا مانع حرف زدنتان نشود.

 

نشان بدهید که موضوع مهم است

همه ما زندگی پرمشغله ایی داریم به همین دلیل باید به لحن گفتارمان در مورد مسائل مهم توجه کنیم. همسرتان باید متوجه شود که چه زمانی شما واقعاً به توجه کامل او احتیاج دارید. همهٔ ما لحظاتی بیاد داریم که به همسرمان گفته‌ایم “بله عزیزم” بدون آنکه به ادامه صحبت هایش گوش داده باشیم.

 

پس اگر کمی طول بکشد تا همسرتان به این درک برسد که درباره مسئلهٔ مهمی صحبت می‌کنید به خودتان نگیرید. به‌طور مثال یکی از بهترین روش‌ها برای نشان دادن اهمیت موضوع  این است که : به همسرتان نزدیک شوید و با لحن متفاوت از گفتگوی معمولی‌تان صحبت کنید. البته این بدین معنا نیست که سر همسرتان داد بزنید تا متفاوت باشید، بلکه کافی است لحنتان تغییر کند تا همسرتان متوجه  اهمیت موضوع شود.

  

لطفاً فقط مشکل امروزتان را با زمان معین مطرح کنید

طبیعی است که بین هر زن‌ و شوهری اختلافاتی وجود دارد اما شما می‌توانید با جدا کردن مشکلات امروزتان از مشکلات قبلی زندگی مشترکتان روی حل همان یک مسئله تمرکز کنید. وقتی شما دقیقاً به همسرتان نگویید که مشکل اصلی که برای شما پیش‌آمده چیست و یا سعی کنید با مقدمه‌ چینی و کم‌کم موضوعی را مطرح کنید همسرتان تمرکزش را نسبت به گفته‌های شما از دست خواهد داد.   

 

هنگام شروع صحبتتان به‌طرف مقابل بگویید که حرف‌هایتان چقدر زمان می‌برد و این اندازه زمانی را رعایت کنید. مردها برای انجام دادن هر کاری میزانی انرژی به آن اختصاص می دهند به همین دلیل هنگامی‌که انرژی بیش‌ازاندازه برای کاری صرف می‌کنند، ناراحت و نگران می‌شوند. هدر دادن انرژی به آن‌ها این احساس را می‌دهد که کنترل همه‌چیز را ازدست‌داده‌اند و این احساس باعث تنفرشان نسبت به تکرار گفتگو می‌شود. سال‌های سال است که تحقیقات نشان داده زنان در مقایسه با مردان از تعداد بیشتری کلمات برای بیان منظورشان استفاده می‌کنند. پژوهش‌ها بیان می کند که زنان در یک روز عادی از ۲۵۰۰۰ کلمه استفاده می‌کنند درحالی‌که مردان در یک روز عادی ۱۵۰۰۰ کلمه به کار می‌برند. 

 

مشکل اصلی اینجاست که مردان این ۱۵۰۰۰ کلمه را هنگامی‌که از محل کار به خانه آمده‌اند، استفاده کرده‌اند. تحقیقات جدیدترین تفاوت میان تعداد کلماتی که در روز توسط مردان و زنان به کار می‌رود را تأیید کرده است و برخی پژوهش‌ها حتی تفاوتی بیش از ۱۰۰۰۰ کلمه را نشان می‌دهد! زنان از حرف زدن و داستان گفتن برای شروع دوستی استفاده می‌کنند. مردان برای تبادل اطلاعات از حرف زدن استفاده می‌کنند و به همین دلیل هنگام حرف زدن میان آن‌ها فقط واقعیت‌ها ردوبدل می‌شود. آن‌ها با سؤالاتی مثل «چه کسی آخرین گل را در مسابقات فوتبال جام جهانی به ثمر رساند؟» اطلاعات همدیگر را محک می‌زنند اگر طرف مقابل پاسخ به این سؤال را بداند، نمره‌ای مثبت به خود اختصاص داده است و اگر پاسخ به این سؤال را نداند، کسی که سؤال را طرح کرده نمره‌ای مثبت می‌گیرد.

 

وقتی شما به همسرتان توضیح دهید موضوعی که قرار است در موردش باهم صحبت کنید چیست همسرتان مشتاقانه‌تر وبا آرامش بیشتری خودش را برای گفتگو با شما آماده می‌کند.

 

اکثر خانم‌ها راه ارتباطی و بیان احساسشان متکی بر گفتگو است

 

غر زدن را کنار بگذارید

وقتی شما به همسرتان غر می‌زنید او احساس گناه کرده و سعی دارد به هر نحوی خودش را از این اتهام تبرئه کند. به هر دلیلی همسر شما از صبح تا به‌ حال با وجود اینکه شما بارها و بارها خواسته‌تان را تکرار کرده اید قدمی برای انجام آن برنداشته است پس بهتر است از تکرار این روش دست‌ بردارید.

 

مردها یاد گرفته اند در مقابل غر مقاومت شان را بالا ببرند. آنها وقتی با چنین رفتاری از طرف همسرانشان مواجه می‌شوند  خودشان را بچه ای می بینند که قرار است از موضع قدرت رفتارشان اصلاح شود. این بار به‌جای تضعیف روحی مرد زندگی‌تان با قدردانی از نکات مثبت اش حس ارزشمندی را در او تقویت کنید و مطمئن باشید با این روش همسرتان انگیزه بیشتری برای شنیدن حرف‌های شما خواهد داشت.

  

همسرتان را مورد احترام قرار دهید

نشان دادن احترام کافی به روشی که شوهرتان را راضی کند کلید اصلی برای شنوا کردن اوست. مردها معمولاً تمایل دارند روی عمل شما تمرکز کنند تا روی حرفی که می‌زنید. نشان دادن احترام به او می‌تواند شامل دادن فضا به او وقتی‌که از سرکار به خانه می‌آید باشد. شوهر شما نیاز به زمان دارد تا به آرامش برسد.

  

زبان عشقی او را یاد بگیرید

زن‌ها و مردها به‌صورت کاملاً متفاوتی ارتباط برقرار می‌کنند اما معنی‌اش این نیست که یکی بهتر از دیگری است. زنان سعی می‌کنند انعطاف‌پذیرتر باشند در نتیجه قادر هستند خود را با روش ارتباطی که شوهرشان به آن نیاز دارد منطبق کنند.

 

زنان دوست دارند در یک رابطه مورد تحسین قرار بگیرند درحالی‌ که مردان دوست دارند مورداحترام باشند. زنان در زمینهٔ تطبیق دادن انعطاف‌پذیرترند و مردان می‌خواهند که رهبر باشند. دانستن اینکه مردان به دنبال احترام هستند و تمرین برای با احترام صحبت کردن با او کاری مهم است.

  

از ابراز هیجانات و احساسات دوری‌کنید

ابراز احساسات و هیجاناتی مثل گریه کردن در مذاکرات می‌تواند به‌ سادگی جایگاهتان را به خطر بیندازد. مردان در اجتماع کمتر از زنان احساساتشان را به نمایش می گذارند و این برگرفته از باورها و تربیت‌ها و گاها ویژگی‌های مردانه آن‌هاست.

 

گاهی فردی که اشک می‌ریزد این پیام نهانی را به شنونده می‌دهد که توانایی انجام کاری را ندارد. گریه کردن، در مقابل کسانی را که احساساتشان را سرکوب کرده‌اند ناراحت و عصبانی می‌کند. 

 

اگر چنین افرادی دوست ندارند با احساسات خودشان روبه‌رو شوند، قطعاً از رویارویی با احساسات و هیجانات دیگران هم ناراحت می‌شوند و از طرفی گاهی مردان احساس می‌کنند زنانی که گریه می‌کنند در حال فریب دادنشان هستند. حال اگر همسر شما از آن دسته مردانی است که این‌گونه به مسئله گریه در زنان می‌نگرد پس بهتر است اگر احساس می‌کنید که نیاز به گریه کردن دارید، جلسه مذاکره را برای مدتی ترک و به مکان دیگری رفته و گریه کنید. هنگامی‌که گریه‌تان تمام شد نفس عمیقی بکشید و دوباره به جلسه مذاکره بازگردید. اگر همواره عادت به گریه کردن دارید، سعی کنید این رفتارتان را تغییر دهید؛ چون هر رفتاری که متداوم باشد پس از مدتی تبدیل به ویژگی رفتاری خواهد شد و بعد از مدتی این عمل تان مورد توجه قرار نمی گیرد آنگاه شما احساس شکست می کنید.

 

منبع: seemorgh.com

 

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