تک فرزندی، خوب یا بد؟

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تک فرزندی، خوب یا بد؟

مشکلات تک فرزندی،فواید تک فرزندی

 یکی از نگرانی‌ها در مورد کودکان تک‌فرزند این است که چه‌طور مهارت‌های اجتماعی برای زندگی را می‌آموزند

 

پیش از این، خانواده‌ها به طور معمول تعداد زیادی فرزند داشتند. به طوری که هر کس حداقل ۳- ۴ خواهر و برادر داشت و در مواردی حتی خیلی بیشتر. اما رفته‌رفته، خانواده‌ها ترجیح می‌دهند فرزندان کم‌تری داشته باشند. در واقع به نظر می‌رسد این تغییر اجتناب‌ناپذیر باشد.

در زندگی امروز، در بسیاری از خانواده‌ها، پدر ساعات زیادی از روز را بیرون از خانه می‌گذراند و مادر هم، یا خود شاغل است، یا مشغولیتی چون درس دارد. به علاوه در دوران گذشته، معمولا خانواده‌ها دور هم زندگی می‌کردند،‌ مادربزرگ و پدربزرگ و خاله و دایی و … بنابراین همیشه بزرگ‌تری برای مراقبت از بچه‌ها بود و لازم نبود پدر و مادر خودشان، تمام مسئولیت‌های مراقبت از فرزند را بر عهده بگیرند. در آن شرایط،‌ آن‌ها از کمک و حمایت دیگران برخوردار بودند اما در زندگی امروز، والدین دست تنها باید فرزند خود را بزرگ کنند.

علاوه بر این،‌ هزینه‌های زندگی امروز خیلی بیشتر شده است. امکانات فراوانی به بازار آمده و بچه‌ها را نمی‌توان با یک توپ پلاستیکی یا عروسک پارچه‌ای قانع کرد. کتاب‌ها، ‌رایانه‌ها، اینترنت، بازی‌های رایانه‌ای، ایکس‌باکس، انواع و اقسام کلاس‌های آموزشی و ….. همه و همه هزینه هنگفتی دارند. همچنین حساسیت خانواده‌ها در مورد شیوه تربیت فرزندان بالاتر رفته است. خانواده‌ها حالا کم‌تر اجازه می‌دهند فرزندشان وقتش را به بازی در کوچه‌ها بگذراند و اهمیت بیشتری به مراحل رشدی او می‌دهند.

حرف‌ها و باورهای عمومی
بسیاری می‌گویند بچه‌هایی که خواهر و برادری در خانه ندارند، ‌دچار مشکلات رفتاری می‌شوند. آن‌ها همیشه تنها هستند و افسرده‌اند. هیچکس را ندارند که با او بازی و درددل کنند و در آینده هم همیشه تنها خواهند ماند. حتی بسیاری به نوه‌ها هم فکر می‌کنند که ممکن است دیگر خاله و دایی و عمه و عمویی نداشته باشند. اما این حرف‌ها چه‌قدر درست هستند؟ واقعا تک‌فرزندها سالم بار نمی‌آیند؟ در اطرافتان خانواده یا فردی را می‌شناسید که تجربه تک‌فرزندی داشته باشد؟ به نظرتان با بقیه متفاوت است؟

مهارت‌های اجتماعی
در واقع یکی از نگرانی‌های مهم در مورد کودکان تک‌فرزند این است که آن‌ها چه‌طور مهارت‌های اجتماعی لازم برای زندگی را می‌آموزند و چه‌طور هوش هیجانی خود را پرورش می‌دهند. آ‌ن‌‌ها، همبازی در خانه ندارند. با کسی دعوایشان نمی‌شود. اسباب‌بازی‌ها، شیرینی‌ها و هدیه‌ها را مجبور نیستند با کسی قسمت کنند. کسی وسایلشان را بی‌اجازه برنمی‌دارد و موقعیتی پیش نمی‌آید که مجبور شوند برای حفظ حریم خود یا دفاع از حرف خود،‌ دعوا کنند. همچنین،‌ کسی نیست که با او بر سر جلب توجه والدین رقابت کنند و خلاصه، بسیاری از تجربیاتی را که کودکان با خواهر و برادرهای خود دارند، نخواهند داشت. همین امر می‌تواند باعث شود که مهارت‌های اجتماعی آن‌ها به خوبی رشد پیدا نکند. وقتی مطالعه‌ای بر روی کودکان ۵ ساله نشان داد که تک‌فرزندها در مقایسه با بچه‌هایی که خواهر و برادر دارند،‌ مهارت‌های اجتماعی ضعیف‌تری دارند، ‌این نگرانی‌ها بیشتر شد. اما بعد،‌ محققین نشان دادند که بعد از ورود به مدرسه، ‌این تفاوت از بین می‌رود و بچه‌های تک‌فرزند خیلی زود در مهارت‌های اجتماعی، به بقیه می‌رسند و دیگر تفاوتی با آن‌ها ندارند. بنابراین می‌توان گفت مهارت‌های اجتماعی، در حقیقت فرایندی است که داشتن خواهر و برادر فقط باعث تسریع این فرایند می‌شود.

خودتان این فرایند را تسریع کنید
اگر نمی‌خواهید در همین حد هم فرزندتان منتظر مهارت‌های اجتماعی بماند، بهتر است دوستان و اقوامی در اطراف خود داشته باشید که فرزندان هم‌سن فرزند شما دارند. با خانواده‌های دارای فرزند، بیشتر رفت و‌ آمد کنید و به فرزندان اجازه بدهید تجربیاتی را که معمولا کودکان با خواهر و برادرهایشان دارند، با فرزندان دوستان و آشنایان مورد اطمینان شما،‌ تجربه کند. مهد کودک و فضای بازی پارک‌ها هم موقعیتی مناسب برای یادگیری این مهارت‌ها خواهد بود. سعی کنید او را هدایت کنید تا ارتباطات بهتری داشته باشد. بی‌جهت از او حمایت نکنید و بگذارید یاد بگیرد مشکلاتش را با دیگران به بهترین نحو حل کند. در مورد مشکلات در ارتباط با آدم‌ها با او صحبت کنید و به او یاد بدهید در مورد خواسته‌ها و احساساتش حرف بزند و از جمله‌ها و کلمات برای برقراری ارتباط خوب و موثر با دیگران استفاده کند. خودتان هم همین کار را انجام بدهید و در مورد احساسات و تجربه‌هایتان در ارتباط با دیگران در خانه حرف بزنید.

زودتر بزرگ شدن
یکی از مسائلی که در ارتباط با تک‌فرزندها عنوان می‌شود، ‌این است که تک‌فرزندها، همیشه در خانه‌ای هستند که با دو بزرگسال به سر می‌برند. بنابراین، ‌همیشه با مسائلی روبرو هستند که به بزرگ‌ترها مربوط است. همین امر باعث می‌شود که زودتر بزرگ شوند و زودتر به بلوغ فکری برسند. آن‌ها معمولا مهارت‌های رفتاری و کلامی بالایی دارند، ‌با بزرگ‌ترها خوب رابطه برقرار می‌‌کنند، در حدی که تعجب و تحسین همه را برمی‌انگیزند و در آینده هم زودتر وارد بازار کار و کسب درآمد می‌شوند و از پس مشکلات مربوط به دوران بزرگسالی به خوبی برمی‌آیند.

همه این‌ها اتفاقات خوبی است، ‌اما مراقب باشید که فرزندتان از تجربیات کودکی مربوط به سن و سالی که در آن قرار دارد محروم نشود. او باید دوران رشد طبیعی خود را طی کند تا در آینده دچار مشکل نشود. بنابراین، او را درگیر مسائل خود نکنید. حواستان به سنش باشد و متناسب با سن او هم برنامه‌هایی در خانواده داشته باشید. او را تنها همدم خود قرار ندهید که همه مشکلات را با او در میان بگذارید و نگذارید از سنین پایین درگیر مسائل دوران بزرگسالی شود. این که همه مشکلات را به او بگویید، در سنین پایین،‌ ممکن است باعث احساس اضطراب در او شود. او می‌فهمد مشکل و ناراحتی وجود دارد که او نمی‌تواند آن را حل کند. حتی ممکن است احساس گناه کند. استرس می‌تواند به او آسیب بزند. بنابراین، برای حرف‌های سنگین و استرس‌های روزمره، گوش دیگری پیدا کنید.

 

منبع: ninisite.com

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