در رابطه با همسرتان هرگز این کارها را نکنید!!

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در رابطه با همسرتان هرگز این کارها را نکنید!!

رابطه‌های عاشقانه و زناشویی همیشه با فراز و فرود همراه هستند

 

در این مقاله برخی از بایدها و نبایدهایی که سبب پایداری بیشتر عشق و رابطه زناشویی و عاطفی می‌شوند را برایتان نوشته‌ایم تا با رعایت آنها، زندگی شادتر و آرام‌تری برای خود و عشقتان رقم بزنید.

 

در روابط عاطفی خود هرگز این کارها را انجام ندهید و این حرف‌ها را به زبان نیاورید

رابطه‌های عاشقانه و زناشویی همیشه با فراز و فرود همراه هستند و این یک امر کاملا عادی است. هیچ زوجی همیشه خوشحال و شاد نیستند و گاهی پیش می‌آید که حتی سر مسایل ساده و بی‌ارزش هم با یکدیگر بحث و مشاجره می‌کنند.

 

با اینکه این دست مسایل در رابطه‌های عاطفی بعضا غیر قابل کنترل هستند، اما می‌توانید با انجام برخی کارها از تشدید شرایط منفی و ادامه‌دار شدن ناراحتی‌ها پیشگیری کنید. به‌طور مثال، بعد از دعوا یا مشاجره اغلب دوست نداریم با طرف مقابلمان حرف بزنیم. اما اگر حتی ناراحت هستید و شریک عاطفی‌تان به بهانه‌ای سر صحبت را باز می‌کند تا مثلا سنگینی فضای ایجاد شده را از بین ببرد، توصیه می‌کنیم به هیچ عنوان قیافه نگیرید! در چنین شرایطی منطقی رفتار کنید و اگر سوالی از شما پرسیده می‌شود، پاسخ دهید.

 

بد نیست بدانید، دعوا کردن زن و مرد با هم نشانه این است که می خواهند رابطه خود را درست کنند. آنها هنوز به بهبود امید دارند و در نتیجه بحث می کنند تا به یک راهکار مناسب دست پیدا کنند. نباید این بحث ها موجب ناامیدی شما از شریک عاطفی‌تان بشود.

 

در این راستا، در ادامه برخی از بایدها و نبایدهایی که سبب پایداری بیشتر عشق و رابطه عاطفی می‌شوند را برایتان نوشته‌ایم تا با رعایت آنها، زندگی شادتر و آرام‌تری برای خود و عشقتان رقم بزنید.

  

حرف‌هایی که موقع دعوا مطرح می‌شوند را از ذهن خود پاک کنید

همه انسان‌ها خطا می‌کنند. همه ممکن است موقع عصبانیت حرف‌هایی به زبان بیاورند که شاید واقعا هیچ‌اعتقادی به آنها نداشته باشند. توصیه ما این است که جملات یا واژه هایی که هنگام دعوا از دهان شریک عاطفی خود می شنوید را نادیده بگیرید. به آنها اهمیت ندهید و بگذارید همان جا وسط دعوا خاک شوند. بار سنگین آنها را به دوش نکشید.

 

استفاده از جملات نا امید کننده و سرشار از حس‌های منفی در یک دعوا بسیار عادی است. درست است که باید سعی کنیم روی رفتار و زبان خود کنترل بیشتری داشته باشیم. اما اگر بنا به هر دلیلی، این‌طور نشد، سعی نکنید با یادآوری جملات ناراحت‌کننده طرف مقابل که وسط مشاجره مطرح شده‌اند، عشق و علاقه خود را خدشه‌دار کنید. هر زمان حرف های ناراحت کننده او به ذهنتان رسید، یک نفس عمیق بکشید، کمی راه بروید و آب بخورید.

 

بحث را دوباره باز نکنید

بله، اکثر مردم دوست دارند همه حرص و ناراحتی خود را وسط مشاجره به زبان بیاورند. اگر می‌توانید زبانتان را کنترل کنید تا بدون تخریب شخصیت طرف مقابل، خواسته‌هایتان را مطرح کنید، این کار را انجام دهید. اما اگر قرار است حرف‌ها با کنایه و طعنه و بی‌احترامی همراه باشد، نفس عمیق بکشید. سرتان را به کار دیگری گرم کنید و سعی کنید صحبت نکنید.

 

سعی نکنید پس از تمام شدن دعوا، به طور غیرمستقیم و با نیش و کنایه موضوع دعوا را با یاد او بیاورید. از همه مهم تر این است که چند روز بعد از مشاجره، دوباره پرونده آن را باز نکنید. این کار نتیجه‌ای جز تکرار احساسات منفی و ناراحتی نخواهد داشت و شک نکنید که دردی از شما دعوا نخواهد شد. اگر مقصر شما هستید، اینقدر بزرگ‌منش باشید که بتوانید از طرف مقابل عذرخواهی کنید و قول بدهید که دیگر هرگز چنین رفتاری نخواهید داشت.

سعی نکنید با یادآوری جملات ناراحت‌کننده طرف مقابل که وسط مشاجره مطرح شده‌اند، عشق و علاقه خود را خدشه‌دار کنید.

 

حرف‌هایی که موقع دعوا مطرح می‌شوند را از ذهن خود پاک کنید

 

با هم سرد رفتار نکنید

پس از بحث و دعوا اصولا دو طرف حوصله حرف زدن با هم را ندارند. اما اگر پس از گذشت زمان، هنگامی که هر دو آرام تر بودید و همسرتان نزد شما آمد و به هر بهانه ای می‌خواست با شما حرف بزند، از پاسخ دادن به او امتناع نکنید. بدترین کار ممکن در این شرایط این است که سکوت اختیار کنید و به اصطلاح قیافه بگیرید.

 

در عوض می‌توانید به همسر خود بگویید: «من هنوز ناراحت هستم و نتواسته ام همانند تو به این زودی همه چیز را فراموش کنم. به من چند ساعتی فرصت بده تا بتوانم آرام شوم. سپس در مورد آن با هم حرف خواهیم زد.»

 

این را به یاد داشته باشید که با پاسخ ندادن به طرف مقابل، این حس را به او می دهید که در حال تنبیه کردن او هستید و این باعث می شود تا او نتواند حرف هایش را راحت با شما در میان بگذارد. تکرار این مسایل، فاصله بزرگی میان زن و شوهر ایجاد می‌کند که شاید خسارت های جبران ناپذیری نیز در پی داشته باشد.

  

دنبال دلیل دعوا نباشید

بهتر است انرژی خود را برای یافتن راهکار صرف کنید. نه برای فکر کردن به اینکه چه چیزی باعث شروع بحث شد. تفاوت میان یک مشاجره خوب و دعوای بد این است که بتوانید برای مشکل خود راهکار مناسب بیابید. تفاوت میان یک مشاجره خوب و دعوای بد این است که بتوانید برای مشکل خود راهکار مناسب بیابید.

  

اشتباهات خود را تکرار نکنید

گفتن خشک و خالی «ببخشید» دردی را دوا نمی کند. باید سعی کنید پس از اینکه اوضاع بهتر شد، نزد او بروید و عذرخواهی کنید و سوتفاهم پیش آمده را برایش توضیح دهید. یا دلیل رفتار خود را توضیح دهید.

 

عذرخواهی کردن بدون پشیمانی واقعی و بدون توضیح چندان قابل قبول نیست. باید سعی کنید اشتباه خود را تکرار نکنید و این اطمینان را نیز به طرف مقابل بدهید.

 

اگر شما ناراحت، عصبانی یا دلخور هستید یا خبرهای ناراحت کننده شنیده اید، باید این مساله را با همسرتان در میان بگذارید. این مساله به آرام ماندن جو، کمک شایانی می کند. همچنین باید بدانید کم خوابی موجب حساسیت بیشتر اعصاب می شود. بنابراین، زوج هایی که کم می خوابند و استراحت کامل ندارند، بیشتر در معرض مشاجره های دایمی قرار دارند.

  

به شریک عاطفی خود نگویید: «فکر می‌کنم خوشحال نیستی!»

بعضی افراد عادت دارند در برابر فراز و فرودهای احساسی طرف مقابل خود سریعا واکنش نشان دهند. بعضا تصور می‌کنند اگر بگویند: «من می‌دانم که تو خیلی خوشحال نیستی!»، اهمیت و توجه خود را به طرف مقابل نشان داده‌اند.

 

اگر شما این‌طور هستید، همین الان از این عادت دست بردارید. چنین جملاتی بار منفی بسیار با خود همراه دارند. وقتی می‌دانید همسر یا عشق شما در شرایط بحرانی (کار یا زندگی) قرار دارد، با گفتن چنین جملاتی نه تنها او را خوشحال نخواهید کرد بلکه این حس را به او می‌دهید که ناراحتی او شما را اذیت می‌کند.

 

طرف مقابل ممکن است تصور کند شما با بیان این جمله مثلا می‌خواهید بگویید که بسیار خوشحال و راحت هستید و این اوست که از سختی زندگی در عذاب است و گویا با تحمل این شرایط دارید از خودگذشتگی می‌کنید! در صورتیکه به هیچ وجه این طور نیست.

 

هنگامی که احساس می کنید رابطه‌تان همچون ماه های اول نیست به جای اینکه از جملات منفی استفاده کنید. با یکدیگر در این رابطه حرف بزنید و برای بهبود اوضاع و برگرداندن اشتیاقات اولیه، با هم راهکار پیدا کنید.

  

به شریک عاطفی خود نگویید: «رابطه ما مثل قبل نیست»

چنین جملاتی مثل سم هستند. وقتی عبارت‌هایی مشابه اینکه ما مثل قبل شاد نیستیم، مثل قبل بیرون نمی رویم، مثل قبل کنار هم نیستیم را به زبان می‌آورید، طرف مقابل با خود فکر می‌کند: آیا مشکلی در رابطه ما وجود دارد؟ احتمالا او کمبودی احساس کرده است که چنین سوالی را می پرسد یا ….

 

هنگامی که احساس می کنید رابطه‌تان همچون ماه های اول نیست به جای اینکه از جملات منفی استفاده کنید. با یکدیگر در این رابطه حرف بزنید و برای بهبود اوضاع و برگرداندن اشتیاقات اولیه، با هم راهکار پیدا کنید. برای کارها و مسایل شخصی خود اولویت بگذارید و برنامه ریزی کنید.

  

به شریک عاطفی خود نگویید: «تو مرا درک نمی‌کنی»

این جمله بسیار ناراحت کننده است و موجب سردی رابطه می شود. با این جمله طرف مقابل تصور می کند همه تلاش هایی که در طول سال ها انجام داده، بیهوده بوده است. لطفا در بیان چنین جمله هایی خساست به خرج دهید و نگذارید به راحتی از دهانتان خارج شوند. برخی از حرف ها برای شما ساده هستند، اما زخم بزرگی در دل طرف مقابل ایجاد می کنند.

 

منبع : rooziato.com

 

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