راهکارهای زندگی با همسری که وسواس کنترل دارد

مجله تفریحی سرگرمی دخترونه

راهکارهای زندگی با همسری که وسواس کنترل دارد

وسواس کنترل نشانه شخصیت ناکارآمد است

 

افرادی که وسواس کنترل دارند بسیار هوشمندانه و ماهرانه افراد و موقعیت‌ها را دستکاری می‌کنند تا به هدف و خواسته خود برسند. شریک زندگی‌تان این احساس را در شما پرورش می‌دهد که گویا شما نمی‌توانید هیچ کاری را درست انجام بدهید و تنها راه درست انجام یک کار، همانی است که او انجام می‌دهد.

  

شاید پیش آمده باشد که برای پیشگیری از تنش‌ها، تن به خواسته‌های او بدهید اما او هر بار آن موارد را به‌عنوان شواهدی از ضعف و ناتوانی شما یادآوری می‌کند وهمچنان شما را مجبور می‌کند به خواسته او رفتار کنید. بنابراین نخستین نکته‌ای که لازم است بدانید این است که شما ضعیف و غیرقابل قبول نیستید. شما به اندازه کافی قوی و هوشمند هستید و تلاش‌های او برای اینکه از شما موجودی ناتوان و نیازمند بسازد مبتنی بر واقعیت نیستند. افراد کنترل‌گر دو شخصیت متفاوت دارند؛ در روابط اجتماعی آنها بسیار محبوب، شاد و سرزنده و مهربان هستند اما فقط کسانی که با آنها زندگی کرده باشند خشم، پرخاش و خشونت‌ چنین افرادی را می‌شناسند. به همین دلیل است که دوست و فامیل اصلاً نمی‌فهمند چرا شما در زندگی‌تان خوشحال نیستید و چنین فرد جذابی را دوست ندارید.

 

در واقع این نقابی است که او استفاده می‌کند تا شما را متقاعد کند هیچ کس با او مشکلی ندارد جز شما که نمی‌خواهید قبول کنید او چقدر درست و عالی رفتار می‌کند.

  

گفت‌و‌گو هنوز یک راه حل است 

در علم روان‌شناسی وسواس کنترل نشانه شخصیت ناکارآمد است. اگر نشانه‌های این وسواس تازه شروع یا یافت شده‌اند هنوز فرصت دارید تا روی این مسأله کار کنید. از شریک زندگی‌تان بخواهید تا برای یک گفت‌و‌گوی مؤثر وقت بگذارد. در این گفت‌و‌گو سعی کنید به روش‌های کنترل اشاره کنید و بگویید که چطور تمایل او به کنترل زندگی و انتخاب‌هایش شما را محدود کرده و آزار داده است. اگر وسواس کنترل در مراحل اولیه باشد با بحث و به چالش کشیدن مسائل می‌توانید آن را اصلاح کنید.

  

ایستادن روی پای خود 

اگرچه فرد کنترل‌گر دوست دارد فرمان بدهد تا خواسته‌هایش پیش برود اما شما نباید تابع باشید. شبی که او از شما می‌خواهد برایش غذای خاصی را بپزید مخالفت کنید و بهانه بیاورید. اگر او می‌خواهد کتاب‌ها به ترتیب خاصی در کتابخانه قرار بگیرد یا شما را مجبور می‌کند کت و شلوار خاصی را برای میهمانی بپوشید با آن مخالفت کنید و از تمایلات خودتان حرف بزنید. تا زمانی که شما او و خواسته‌هایش را تأیید می‌کنید و تابع هستید او به رفتارش ادامه می‌دهد. مخالفت‌های شما همان تلنگری است که او به آن احتیاج دارد.

  

البته چنین واکنشی زمانی اثربخش است که او به رابطه با شما نیاز داشته باشد و واقعاً دنبال یک رابطه سالم باشد. در این صورت مخالفت شما به او نشان می‌دهد با وجود علاقه جاری در این رابطه شما اجازه نمی‌دهید او با فرمان‌هایش همه چیز را کنترل کند. خواسته‌ها و نیازهای شما نیز محترم و ارزشمند هستند و او برای حفظ رابطه نمی‌تواند شما را زیر سلطه خواسته‌های خود قرار بدهد، تا زمانی که او ترس و ضعف شما را در مقابل خودش می‌بیند تغییری در رفتارش ایجاد نخواهد کرد بلکه با رضایت بیشتری همه چیز را کنترل می‌کند.

  

منبع: سلامت نیوز

 

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