سخت گیری های والدین برای ازدواج

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قبل از ازدواج

ازدواج، یکی از شخصی ترین موضوعات در زندگی هر شخصی است‎

 

ازدواج، یکی از شخصی ترین موضوعات در زندگی هر شخصی است. ازدواج به هم پیوستگی یک زن و مرد و ادای وظیفه ی طبیعی و حتمی برای انسان ها است که اندیشه ی خالق جهان به منظور استمرار موجودیت و بقای نسل بشر به عهده زن و مرد گذارده است که آن ها با انجام این عمل هم نیازهای جسمانی و عاطفی خود را رفع می کنند و هم خلأ موجود در وجودشان را پر می سازند و هم سهم خویش را در تشکیل جامعه با تولید نسل و تربیت آن ها ادا می کنند. لذا  اگر مرد و یا زنی در مراحل حیات خود از انجام این تکلیف طبیعی سرباز زند ، سلامتی جسمی و سعادت روحی خویش را مختل ساخته است.

از دگر سو، ازدواج به عنوان یکی از مهم ترین موضوعات خانوادگی باید در قالب و چارچوب خاص خود قرار گیرد .افراد در صورتی می توانند در زمینه ازدواج تصمیم درست بگیرند که از کمک و مساعدت والدین خود نیز بهره ببرند.

تعامل سازنده والدین و فرزندان
بهره گیری درست از راهنمایی های والدین زمانی رخ می دهد که هم والدین توانایی ارایه یک نقشه راه شایسته را داشته باشند و هم جوان پذیرای این راهنمایی ها باشد و الا در جایی که والدین راهنمای خوبی نیستند و فرزندان نیز تعامل خوب و مثبتی با والدین خود ندارد، ارشاد و راهنمایی والدین راه به جایی نخواهد برد.

لذا ضرورت دارد که یک جوان با خانواده خود ارتباط خوب و اثر بخش داشته باشد.اگر این اتفاق بیفتد فرزندان می توانند تصمیم درستی در این امر بگیرند. برای این منظور لازم است که :
– زمانی که با فرزند خود صحبت می کنند خوب به حرفهای وی گوش دهند و حرف دل فرزند خود آگاه شوند.
–   سعی کنند دنیا را از دید فرزند خود درک کنند و این کار را به خوبی انجام دهند و در این مرحله با فرزند خود همراهی کنید.
–  والدین سعی کنند آنچه را که شنیده اند اعتبار ببخشند و نسبت به او درک هم دلانه نشان دهند.
زمانی که چنین رابطه ای بین والدین و فرزند ایجاد می شود ، فرزندان به والدین خود اعتماد می کنند و از انها راهنمایی می گیرند.

تعیین تکلیف ممنوع!
یک نکته مهم که باید مد نظر قرار گیرد این است که والدین به هیچ عنوان نباید تعیین تکلیف کنند و لذا  ضرورت دارد در این برهه زمانی فقط پیشنهاد خود را بیان کنند . اما مشکل از آنجا شروع می شود که در امر انتخاب همسر، والدین پا را فراتر گذاشته و در جریان انتخاب همسر و در ادامه جریانات ازدواج، گوی سبقت را از جوانان ربوده و در کوچکترین مساله ای نظارت می کنند و فرصت نظر دادن و پرداختن دو جوان به مساله مزبور را می گیرند.

همین سبک رفتاری باعث می شود که به مرور والدین دو طرف گاه به شدت درگیر ماجرا شده و در ادامه یا جریان ازدواج منتفی می شود و یا اینکه ازدواج دو جوان، با مجموعه ای از  دلخوری ها صورت می گیرد.

 

سرگردانی شیوا و فرهاد
شیوا و فرهاد دو سال است که در جریان شناخت قبل از ازدواج هستند و دوران نامزدی را سپری می کنند. آنها از ادامه دار شدن زیاد دوران نامزدی به ستوه آمده ند. در حقیقت والدین دو طرف با اشکال تراشیهای زیاد، سنگ اندازیها و بداخلاقی هایی که با یکدیگر می کنند اجازه نمی دهند رابطه این دو به عقد منجر شود.

الان هم هر دو خانواده قهر هستند و این دو جوان عاشق،  سرگردان و مستاصل مانده اند.
والدین شیوا در مورد کار فرهاد ابراز نگرانی می کنند و بیان می کنند چون فرهاد کارش قراردادی است باید پشتوانه ای از طرف خانواده پسر ارایه شود تا رضایت به این ازدواج دهند مثلا ملکی به نام شیوا شود.

خانواده فرهاد هم معتقدند که پشتوانه فرهاد مهارت و تحصیلات وی است و حتی اگر کارش را از دست بدهد ان قدر توانایی دارد که یک زندگی را اداره کند. و به بیشتر از ۱۴ سکه برای مهریه رضایت نمی دهند.خانواده داماد معتقد است چون مسکن فرهاد را قرار است مهیا کنند لذا تمام هدایای جمع اوری شده باید به دست انها برسد از طرف دیگر خانواده شیوا اصرار دارند که چهار قلم از وسایل برقی جهیزیه را خانواده فرهاد باید تامین کنند و ..

خلاصه تمام رابطه این  دو خانواده بر سر مسایل این چنینی تیره و تار شده و دو جوان سرگردان مانده اند که عاقبت این ازدواج چه می شود در حالی که این مسایل، دغدغه اصلی خود شیوا و فرهاد نمی باشد…

 

شناخت قبل از ازدواج

افراد در صورتی می توانند در ازدواج تصمیم درست بگیرند که از کمک والدین خود نیز بهره ببرند

 

چقدر خودرایی در ازدواج لازم است؟
بهره گیری درست از راهنمایی های والدین زمانی رخ می دهد که هم والدین توانایی ارایه یک نقشه راه شایسته را داشته باشند و هم جوان پذیرای این راهنمایی ها باشد

البته خود رای بودن و عدم دخالت دادن والدین و بزرگترهای فامیل در انتخاب همسر احتمال انتخاب نامناسب را افزایش می دهد چرا که جوانان ممکن است وجوه مشترکی را که باید بین جوانان و خانواده ها حاکم باشد از سوی آنها درنظر گرفته نشود اما وقتی دخالت والدین دو طرف از حد بگذرد نه تنها باعث موفقیت در ازدواج و شناخت دقیق طرفین از یکدیگر نمی گردد بلکه خود یکی از موانع مهم و جدی در ازدواج جوانان امروزی شده است.البته از دگر سو دخالت در صورت قانع کردن فرزند، بدون هیچ امر و نهی ای، به گونه ای که به فرزند آرامش دهد تا بتواند به درستی تصمیم گیری کند، چنین دخالتی اشکالی نخواهد داشت.

شیوا و فرهاد چه می توانند بکنند؟
به نظر می رسد شیوا  فرهاد با بزرگترین مشکلی که در حال حاضرمواجه شده اند، نفوذ ناپذیر دانستن والدین خود در موافقت آنها با ازدواج است؛ البته این بدان دلیل است که این دو نسبت به قدرت شگرف خود در اثر گذاری بر والدین خود آگاهی ندارند؛ زیرا والدین به شدت به فرزندان خود علاقه دارند وآنها  می توانند با استفاده از راهکارهایی، چه از راه علاقه و چه از راه ترس، نظر والدین خود را برای ازدواج جلب کنند.

از این رو آنها می توانند:
–  سعی کنند تا اطمینان والدین را نسبت به داشتن صلاحیت و توان پذیرش مسئولیت زندگی جلب کنند.
–  عقیده خود را در مورد نادرستی تأخیر ازدواج به والدین اعلام کنند.
–  می توانند به صورت غیر مستقیم؛ مانند ابراز ناراحتی و افسردگی به خاطر تنهایی، نارضایتی خود در تاخیر ازدواجشان را آشکار نمایند.
– می توانند بر یکی از والدین اثر گذاشته و او را به سراغ دیگری فرستاد.
– می توانند از دیگر اعضای خانواده مانند خواهر، برادر و یا بزرگان فامیل که می توانند بر والدین تاثیرگذار باشند، کمک گرفته و جلب واسطه کنند.

نکته بسیار مهمی که به فرهاد و شیوا توصیه می شود این است که سعی کنند تا از حرف زدن والدین شان بر آشفته نشوند و  به جای بر آشفتگی، باید درست برخورد کنند تا فرصت برای تبادل نظر منطقی و حل مساله ایجاد گردد.

والدین همواره باید به یاد داشته باشند که:
خانواده اولین و مهم ترین پایه گذار شخصیتی و معیارهای فکری فرزندان می باشد و نقش حیاتی در تعیین سرنوشت، سبک و خط مشی زندگی آتی آنان دارد. پسران و دختران برای درک بهتر و بیشتر و آشنایی با محیط پیرامون و از همه مهمتر انتخاب درست همسر، نیاز به راهنمایی و آگاهی والدین خود  دارند.

اما والدین نیزباید بدانند که انعطاف پذیری یکی از ویژگی های مهم برای ایجاد سازگاری بیشتر در جهت حفظ و پیشبرد یک ازدواج موفق است. بنابراین با چشم پوشی و نرمش نسبت به برخی مسایل خصوصا موضوعات جانبی که بیشتر با مادیات مرتبط است، نه تنها می توانند از تنش های بی دلیل پیشگیری کنند، بلکه گامی محکم و اساسی در راستای تحکیم بنیان های خانوادگی فرزندان خود بردارند.

منبع: تبیان

 

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  362. Emilio 2 هفته قبل

    That is true for investment recommendation as properly.

  363. Ramona 1 هفته قبل

    A financial advisor is your planning companion.

  364. Tawanna 1 هفته قبل

    Schwab Intelligent Portfolios invests in Schwab
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  365. Gerard 1 هفته قبل

    And that is an investment threat value taking.

  366. Isiah 1 هفته قبل

    A financial advisor is your planning accomplice.

  367. Kirsten 1 هفته قبل

    Thanks to your curiosity in Funding Advice.

  368. Jess 1 هفته قبل

    All forms of investments come with sure risks.

  369. Sanford 1 هفته قبل

    Now it is time to pick your specific investments.

  370. Malissa 1 هفته قبل

    Consider investments that offer quick annuities.

  371. Brandy 1 هفته قبل

    This is true for investment recommendation as nicely.

  372. Kristine 1 هفته قبل

    That is true for funding advice as effectively.

  373. Christal 6 روز قبل

    That is true for investment advice as nicely.

  374. Pat 6 روز قبل

    Thanks on your interest in Investment Advice.

  375. Ramonita 6 روز قبل

    And that is an investment threat price taking.

  376. Susanna 5 روز قبل

    And this is an funding risk value taking.

  377. Florentina 5 روز قبل

    Schwab Intelligent Portfolios invests in Schwab ETFs.

  378. Sally 5 روز قبل

    A monetary advisor is your planning partner.

  379. Michaela 5 روز قبل

    That is true for funding recommendation as nicely.

  380. Santiago 5 روز قبل

    Financial advisors business is folks business.

  381. Nell 5 روز قبل

    A monetary advisor is your planning companion.

  382. Humberto 5 روز قبل

    Now it is time to pick your particular investments.

  383. Cooper 4 روز قبل

    A monetary advisor is your planning accomplice.

  384. Jeannie 4 روز قبل

    That is true for investment advice as properly.

  385. Alannah 4 روز قبل

    Now it’s time to pick your specific investments.

  386. Jeff 4 روز قبل

    Consider investments that offer instant annuities.

  387. Angie 4 روز قبل

    Schwab Clever Portfolios invests in Schwab ETFs.

  388. Lavern 4 روز قبل

    Schwab Intelligent Portfolios invests in Schwab ETFs.

  389. Antwan 4 روز قبل

    All kinds of investments come with sure risks.

  390. Maggie 4 روز قبل

    Investors do pay direct and indirect costs.

  391. Rena 4 روز قبل

    Now it’s time to decide your specific investments.

  392. Marsha 3 روز قبل

    A monetary advisor is your planning accomplice.

  393. Marilyn 3 روز قبل

    Now it’s time to decide your particular investments.

  394. Jina 3 روز قبل

    This is true for investment recommendation as well.

  395. Milan 3 روز قبل

    Schwab Clever Portfolios invests in Schwab ETFs.

  396. Roman 3 روز قبل

    Think about investments that supply quick annuities.

  397. Kerry 2 روز قبل

    Traders do pay direct and indirect costs.

  398. Brenton 2 روز قبل

    Thanks on your curiosity in Investment Recommendation.

  399. Marcelo 2 روز قبل

    A monetary advisor is your planning partner.

  400. Selena 2 روز قبل

    And that is an investment risk value taking.

  401. Taylah 2 روز قبل

    Schwab Clever Portfolios invests in Schwab ETFs.

  402. Teri 2 روز قبل

    Thanks on your curiosity in Funding Recommendation.

  403. Christy 2 روز قبل

    And that is an investment threat worth taking.

  404. Mathew 2 روز قبل

    Thanks to your curiosity in Funding Advice.

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  406. Josephine 1 روز قبل

    This is true for funding advice as effectively.

  407. Kerry 1 روز قبل

    Monetary advisors business is folks enterprise.

  408. Lieselotte 1 روز قبل

    Now it is time to decide your specific investments.

  409. James 1 روز قبل

    Think about investments that provide fast annuities.

  410. Eve 1 روز قبل

    Consider investments that offer fast annuities.

  411. Paul 1 روز قبل

    Monetary advisors enterprise is people enterprise.

  412. Garfield 1 روز قبل

    All sorts of investments come with certain dangers.

  413. Mona 1 روز قبل

    And that is an investment risk value taking.

  414. Lyda 23 ساعت قبل

    This is true for investment advice as nicely.

  415. Lon 8 ساعت قبل

    Now it’s time to decide your particular investments.

  416. Darrel 6 ساعت قبل

    Buyers do pay direct and indirect prices.

  417. Kaley 6 ساعت قبل

    A financial advisor is your planning companion.

  418. Gavin 6 ساعت قبل

    And that is an funding threat value taking.

  419. Soila 4 ساعت قبل

    All types of investments include sure dangers.

  420. Clint 3 ساعت قبل

    Schwab Clever Portfolios invests in Schwab ETFs.

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