مقدماتی برای دو تا شدن

مجله تفریحی سرگرمی دخترونه

موقعیت ازدواج

عاشق شدن و دل دادن راهی است که در بیشتر مواقع جوانها را به این فکر می اندازد که ازدواج کنند

 

عاشق شدن و دل دادن راهی است که در بیشتر مواقع جوانها را به این فکر می اندازد که ازدواج کنند و تشکیل خانواده بدهند در حالی که این دلدادگی تنها، برای تشکیل خانواده کافی نیست.

روند دل سپردن و عاشق شدن شبیه مدرسه ای است که باید وارد آن شده و اطلاعات کافی کسب کرده و در نهایت از آن فارغ التحصیل شوید. زندگی زناشویی نیازمند پیش نیازهایی است که از راه شناخت و آگاهی بدست می آیند.

به عنوان یک گام اساسی در ازدواج بهتر است بدانیم که قرار است در ازدواج چه اتفاقی بیفتد و باید دارای چه شرایطی باشیم تا بتوانیم خود را در موقعیت ازدواج بدانیم.

ازدواج چیست؟
شاید در ابتدا این سوال که « ازدواج چیست» به نظر خنده دار بیاید. اما بدلیل نداشتن جواب دقیق این سوال بسیاری از ازدواج ها دچار آفت شده و به جدایی منجر می شوند.

ازدواج پیوندی است بین دو نفر که قرار است با علایق، سلیقه ها و خصوصیات شخصی و خُلقی که دارند زندگی خود را به اشتراک گذاشته و در نهایت، سازگاری، آرامش و بالندگی را به یکدیگر هدیه دهند. این تعریف اگر چه ساده بنظر می رسد اما عمل به آن و فراهم کردن اصولی که در آن بیان شده مسئولیتی است بر دوش هر دو طرف زوجین که هم ایجاب می کند برای عمل به آن تا حد ممکن با آگاهی و مهارت در این راه قدم برداشته و آمادگی لازم برای تحقق آن کسب شود.

مقدمات ازدواج

 

*تکامل یکدیگر
در زندگی مشترک بنا بر این است که همه چیز مشترک باشد و هیچ نوع من و تویی وجود نداشته باشد. هر یک از زن و مرد باید تماما در یکدیگر ذوب شده و محو همسر خود شوند. در ازدواج باید خود را فراموش کرد و در دیگری خلاصه شد. پا گذاشتن روی شخصیت خود و بها دادن به طرف مقابل، در حقیقت نوعی کتمان وجود و هستی خود با تمام ابعاد یک انسان است. در این ذوب شدن است که خوشبختی رقم می خورد، زن و مرد مکمل هم هستند و این کمال در ابتدا در احترام به خود سپس به طرف مقابل معنا می شود. زن در کنار مرد و مرد در کنار زن به خوشبختی خواهند رسید.

اما برخی از زوجین این تکامل و ذوب شدن در یکدیگر را نادیده می گیرند و تنها و تنها خود را می بینند و اصلا توان دیدن تفاوت ها و مخالفت ها و خصوصیات فردی طرف مقابل را ندارند و می خواهند که همسرشان  مطابق میل او رفتار کند، لباس بپوشد، سخن بگوید و … این افراد آنچه برایشان مهم است رسیدن به آرامش خود، آن هم با ارضاء حس خودخواهی بدون توجه به نیازهای دیگری است.

در هر دو حالت افراط و تفریطی وجود دارد که زن و شوهر را از مرکز دایره خوشبختی دور می کند. بودن در کنار یکدیگر، پذیرفتن تفاوت های دیگری و نقش مکملی و احترام به این تفاوت ها مواردی است که باید با اعتقاد کامل به چشم یک پیش نیاز واقعی برای ازدواج مورد توجه قرار گیرد.

 

شرایط ازدواج

زن و مرد مکمل هم هستند و این کمال در ابتدا در احترام به خود سپس به طرف مقابل معنا می شود

 

*داشتن استقلال
یکی از مهمترین ثمرات ازدواج خارج شدن از وابستگی به خانواده است و روی پای خود ایستادن و مستقل شدن در رفتار و گفتار و بالاتر از همه مستقل شدن در امور اقتصادی و تصمیم گیری های زندگی! بی شک تا دختر یا پسری جرأت استقلال و زندگی جدید را پیدا نکرده باشند نباید به ازدواج فکر کنند. استقلال مالی برای مردان، عاطفی و پشتیبانی از موارد مهم در این پیش نیاز است. بالاخره یک جایی باید دختر دل از وابستگی عاطفه پدری یا مادری بِکند تا به همسر خود معطوف شود و یک پسر هم همین طور. سازگاری با شرایط جدید زندگی، نیاز به استقلال دارد و این استقلال روانی باید قبل از ازدواج صورت گیرد

*شناخت دقیق از خود
بهترین شرایط در ازدواج وقتی فراهم می آید که هر یک از زوجین خود را خیلی خوب قبل از زندگی مشترک بشناسد. بهتر است قبل از ورود به زندگی مشترک بدانید چه نقاط قوت یا ضعفی دارید و با کار کردن روی آنها در صدد اصلاح یا تقویت آنها برآیید. به قول معروف پیش گیری بهتر از درمان است. در حقیقت وقتی بدانید فرد وابسته ای به مادر یا پدر یا حتی خواهر و برادر خود هستید؛ می توانید قبل از ازدواج برای رفع آن اقدام کرده و سپس با استقلال فکری و روانی و عاطفی اقدام به خواستگاری کنید.

* آنچه مسلم است
هر زندگی به موازات شادی هایش ؛ غصه دارد، لذت دارد،درد دارد و هزاران بالا و پایین که می شود با همسر خود به سلامت و سعادت از همه آنها استفاده بهینه کرد و خوشبخت شد، حتی از غصه ها و رنج هایش! آنچه مسلم است زندگی فقط آن فضای رمانتیک شعر ها و فیلم های سینمایی نیست که مشکل و غصه در آن جایی ندارد لذا با فکر یک زندگی خیالی و سریالی وارد جلسه خواستگاری نشوید!

با خود مرور کنید که شادی امری است درونی که اگر همه زندگیتان هم سر جای خودش باشد اما درونتان معنی شادی را نداند خوشی از زندگیتان رخ بر می بندد و اگر زندگیتان پر از مشکل باشد و شما بلد باشید شادی کنید قطعا زندگی شادی را با خوشبختی واقعی تجربه خواهید کرد.

* زندگی ما
با خود تمرین کنید تا اگر مبتلا به فردیت هستید؛ این خصیصه را اصلاح کنید. افرادی که مبتلا به فردیت هستند ، قادر به تقسیم شادی، غصه و از همه بالاتر زندگی خود نیستند. با احترام به حریم خصوصی انسان ها باید این نکته را متذکر شویم که زن و شوهر محرم اسرار، شریک زندگی هم و مکمل خوشی و ناخوشی یکدیگر هستند. بنابراین دیوار کشیدن بین خود و همسر یعنی محقق نشدن اصلی ترین هدف ازدواج!

مفاهیم و اصول زیادی هستند که افراد قبل از ازدواج بهتر است آنها را شناخته و به آنها توجه کنند. پیش نیازهای تشکیل یک زندگی خوب و مناسب خیلی خیلی بیشتر از مواردی است که در این مقال بیان شد. اما هر زندگی شرایط خاص خود را دارد و هر فردی خصوصیات خاص خود را لذا شما باید خود به دنبال آنچه پیش نیاز اساسی و اصلی زندگی تان است بروید و با آگاهی و شناخت کافی وارد زندگی مشترک شوید. شما هستید که می خواهید ازدواج کنید و مهم ترین اتفاق زندگیتان را رقم بزنید پس امیدوار باشید و تلاش کنید تا زندگی خوبی برای خود بسازید.

منبع: تبیان

مجلهتفریحیسرگرمیدخترونه

۲۰۳ دیدگاه
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