مهارت هایی برای حفظ رابطه عاشقانه!!

مجله تفریحی سرگرمی دخترونه

مهارت هایی برای حفظ رابطه عاشقانه!!

در عشق‌های بزرگسالی، حمایت کردن بیشتر از مورد حمایت قرار گرفتن ارزش دارد‎

 

برای انجام هر کاری نیاز به مهارت لازم است. از جمله حفظ و تداوم رابطه عاطفی میان دو نفر. در این مقاله نکاتی که باید در حفظ و تداوم رابطه ی عاطفی موفق رعایت نمایید را توضیح خواهیم داد

 

 آمار طلاق در کشور هر روز بیشتر می‌شود. زوج‌های زیادی با اینکه رابطه شاد و پر هیجانی را با یکدیگر آغاز می‌کنند، اما پس از چندین ماه از ازدواج خود ناراضی هستند و مشاجره‌ها و دعواها آغاز می‌‎شود. در نهایت هم بدون چشیدن طعم یک زندگی دونفره‌ی واقعی، مهر طلاق در شناسنامه هر دو طرف کوبیده می‌شود.

  

دلیل شکست یک رابطه عاطفی چیست؟

یکی از پاسخ‌هایی که می‌توان به این سوال داد این است که اغلب ما رفتار درست را بلد نیستیم. ما نمی‌دانیم چگونه باید در یک رابطه دو نفره‌ی عاشقانه متعهد باشیم و مسئولیت عشق ایجاد شده را بپذیریم.

 

به گفته روانشناسان، انسان با مغز یک کودک نوپا که در سن ۳ سالگی به کمال می‌رسد عاشق می‌شود. اما عاشق ماندن او به بخش پایدارتری از مغز مربوط است که در سن ۲۸ سالگی به بلوغ خود می‌رسد.

 

عشق کودکانه با لذت فراوانی در ابتدای آغاز رابطه همراه است. اما به واسطه خودخواهی و عدم توانایی در درک دیدگاه طرف مقابل، به تدریج شادابی خود را از دست می‌دهد و درد و غصه وارد رابطه می‌شود. اما عشق بزرگسالی از عمیق‌ترین بخش وجود انسان نشات می‌گیرد و با همدلی، مهربانی و مراقبت و از همه مهم‌تر، توان درک دیدگاه طرف مقابل همراه است.

 

در عشق‌های بزرگسالی، حمایت کردن بیشتر از مورد حمایت قرار گرفتن ارزش دارد.

 

آیا تا به حال از این تعجب کرده‌اید که چرا در محیط کار یا جمع‌های دوستانه می‌توانید بسیار صبور، فرهیخته و پرمایه رفتار کنید اما در محیط خانوادگی حتی ساده‌ترین رفتارهای مبتنی بر بلوغ فکری همچون همکاری یا مذاکره را هم بلد نیستید؟

 

واقعیت این است که همه انسان‌ها در محیط‌های خانوادگی با مغز کودکانه خود زندگی می‌کنند زیرا عشق باعث می‌شود عمیق‌ترین آسیب‌پذیری‌های ما را تحت تاثیر قرار بگیرند. هیچ کسی نمی‌تواند به راحتی «دکمه‌های عشق ما را فشار دهد»، به جز کسانی که عاشق آنها هستیم. با اینکه یک کودک نوپا در مورد وضعیت احساسی خود هیچ اختیاری ندارد اما از وضعیت احساسی دیگران با قدرت زیاد استفاده می‌کند.

 

بزرگسالانی که همانند یک کودک عشق‌ورزی می‌کنند نیز باعث می‌شوند تا معشوق آنها از داشتن علایق، سلیقه‌ها و آسیب‌پذیری‌های خود که بازتاب دهنده حس لطیف مغز کودک نیستند، احساس بد داشته باشند. به این مفهوم که هر چیزی که باب میل آنها نباشد یا آنها آن را دوست نداشته باشند می‌تواند به محلی برای دعوا و مشاجره تبدیل شود.

 

اغلب عاشقانی که با مغز کودک عاشق شده‌اند از این موضوع شکایت دارند که: «تو باید بیشتر شبیه من باشی.» یا «تو باید دقیقا مثل من فکر و رفتار کنی.» کسانی که با مغز کودک عاشق شده‌اند پس از اینکه معشوق آنها همانند یک انسان بالغ و مستقل رفتار می‌کند و عینا کارها و حس‌های آنها را تقلید نمی‌کند، سرخورده و طرد می‌شوند.

  

مهارت حفظ رابطه عاطفی : داشتن دید دوگانه

بهترین و مناسب‌ترین راهکار برای داشتن یک رابطه عاطفی سالم و پایدار این است که بتوانید در کنار دیدگاه‌ها و نظرات خود، به عقاید و باورهای طرف مقابل خود هم احترام بگذارید و آن را درک کنید. یعنی از دید طرف مقابل دنیا را نگاه کنید. به زبان ساده‌تر، وقتی بتوانید از نگاه عشق خود جهان را ببینید، رابطه عاطفی سالم و سرشار از شادی را تجربه خواهید کرد.

 

فقط افرادی که توانایی دیدن جهان از نگاه معشوقشان را دارند، همیشه واکنش‌های صحیح و مناسبی در شرایط مختلف از خود نمایش می‌دهند. با داشتن نگاه دو گانه به مسایل زندگی شما می‌توانید با حفظ دیدگاه خود به درک هر چه بهتر عقاید و نظرات معشوقتان نیز بپردازید و به این ترتیب می‌توانید درک عمیق‌تری از وی داشته باشید.

 

 

حدس زدن واکنش‌های همسر

بخش کوچکی از غشای فوقانی و جلویی مغز انسان به تحلیل رفتارهای فرد می‌پردازد. این بخش در زمان برانگیختگی‌های احساسی کاملا خاموش و غیرفعال می‌شود. همچنین باید بدانید که مغز انسان در راستای ردیابی و تحلیل رفتارهای دیگران رشد پیدا می‌کند، نه خود فرد. بعلاوه، احساسات منفی در وجود انسان متفاوت از آن چیزی است که در ظاهر دیده می‌شود.

 

به طور مثال، هنگامی که رنجیده و ناخشنود هستیم، احساس می‌کنیم که به ما بی‌انصافی شده، از ما سواستفاده شده یا نادیده گرفته شده‌ایم. در حالی که در ظاهر ما خودخواه، طلب‌کار، بی انصاف یا نامهربان به‌نظر می‌رسیم. اگر همسر شما برداشت اشتباهی نسبت به رفتارتان داشت، حتما احساسات درونی خود یعنی احساس گناه، شرمندگی، غم یا ترس را برای او توضیح دهید. بعلاوه، اجازه ندهید رفتارهایی همچون شاکی بودن، خشم، انکار یا عیب‌جویی کردن رابطه‌تان را به خطر بیندازند.

 

پیوستگی احساسی که رابطه دو نفر را حفظ می‌کند همانند کانالی برای انتقال احساس و رفتار متقابل عمل می‌کند. هنگامی که شریک عاطفی شما چیزی را حس می‌کند، شما نیز به‌صورت خودکار همان احساس را تجربه خواهید کرد. اگر این حس منفی است، ممکن است به مغز کودک خود رجوع کرده و معشوق خود را برای داشتن آن حس مورد سرزنش قرار دهید:

  

من حس ناامیدی دارد، یعنی تو ناامیدکننده‌ای

من احساس می‌کنم طرد شده‌ام، یعنی تو خودخواه، سرد یا بی تفاوت هستی

من حس می‌کنم تحت کنترل هستم، یعنی تو کنترل‌کننده‌ای

چنین برداشت‌های اشتباهی هر نوع رابطه‌ای را تخریب می‌کنند. در بهترین حالت، این استنباط‌های غلط سبب می‌شوند تا شریک عاطفی ما رفتار دفاعی به خود بگیرد. اما بدترین حالت آن این است که همه ارتباط‌ها و پیوستگی‌های احساسی بین دو نفر شکافته شده و از بین می‌روند.

  

مزایای داشتن نگاه دوگانه در زندگی مشترک

با داشتن نگاه دوگانه (نگاه جهان از چشم طرف مقابل) ما یاد می‌گیریم از گیرنده‌های درونی احساسات برای درک و بینش بیشتر استفاده کنیم:

  

من حس ناامیدی دارد، یعنی تو هم احتمالا همین احساس را داری

من احساس می‌کنم طرد شده‌ام، یعنی ممکن است تو هم گیج و سرگشته باشی

من حس می‌کنم تحت کنترل هستم، یعنی تو احساس نگرانی یا بی اختیار بودن داری

داشتن چنین احساساتی باعث همدلی بیشتری شده و از بروز هرگونه رفتار تدافعی یا واکنش‌های بد و تلخ پیشگیری می‌کند.

 

در مغز کودک ما احساسات آسیب‌پذیر یا تقصیرات خود را به شریک عاطفی‌مان نسبت می‌دهیم: «تو باعث شدی من خیلی عصبانی شوم.» اما در مغز بزرگسال و با داشتن دید دوگانه، تشویش، نگرانی، خشم، شرمندگی و …. خود را به دیگری نسبت نمی‌دهیم و به مرحله‌ای از درک رسیده‌ایم که می‌دانیم این احساسات در ذهن طرف مقابل هم تغییراتی ایجاد می‌کند. مثلا: «من بسیار عصبی هستم و می‌دانم که این شرایط تو را ناراحت می کند. اما مطمئنم که می‌توانیم با کمک هم راهی برای از بین بردن این حس‌های منفی پیدا کنیم.»

 

وقتی مشکلات خود را درک کنید و دنبال مقصر برای آنها نگردید، همچنین وقتی بفهمید که رفتارهای منفی شما موجب ناراحتی طرف مقابل می‌شود، این شانس را دارید که به جای بحث و مشاجره و دعوا، به حل مشکل پرداخته و با همکاری هم حس‌های منفی را از بین ببرید.

 

مغز بزرگسال می‌داند که در یک رابطه عاطفی به جای ایجاد مشکل برای همدیگر لازم است به حل آن با همکاری یکدیگر پرداخت. به جای اینکه تقصیرها را گردن همدیگر بیندازید باید راهی پیدا کنید که احساسات منفی هر دو نفرتان از بین برود.

 

منبع : rooziato.com

 

مجلهتفریحیسرگرمیدخترونه

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