نکاتی که قبل از ازدواج با مردان مطلقه باید به آنها توجه کنیم

مجله تفریحی سرگرمی دخترونه

سوالات قبل از ازدواج

در مقایسه با زنان، مردانی که طلاق می گیرند با دست بازتری می توانند دوباره ازدواج کنند‎

 

در مقایسه با زنان، مردانی که طلاق می گیرند با دست بازتری می توانند دوباره ازدواج کنند. بالا رفتن سن دختران امروزی هم باعث شده که خیلی از این مردها برای ازدواج مجدد اغلب به سراغ یک دختر بروند تا یک زن مطلقه. این قضیه به خودی خود ایرادی ندارد، اشکال وقتی می تواند به وجود بیاید که دختران ما بدون توجه به بایدها و نبایدهای ازدواج با یک مرد مطلقه وارد زندگی با آنها بشوند.

می خواهم همینجا تکلیف یک مسئله را روشن کنم. اگر در این مقاله درباره آگاهی دادن به دختران مجرد صحبت می کنیم به معنای آن نیست که عکس این قضیه نمی تواند اتفاق بیفتد؛ یعنی هیچ مرد مجردی نیست که گزینه ازدواج با یک زن مطلقه برایش پیش بیاید و یا اینکه مسئله این مردان کم اهمیت تر از مسئله دختران است، بلکه به دلیل آن است که آمار دختران مجردی که با این گزینه مواجه می شوند بیشتر از مردان مجرد است. به علاوه، آسیب های ناشی از اشتباه در ازدواج برای دختران سنگین تر از پسران است. بنابراین چه به لحاظ آماری به قضیه نگاه کنیم و چه با رویکرد کاهش آسیب بخواهیم وارد بشویم، اولویت طرح این مسئله از نگاه دختران مجرد منطقی به نظر می رسد. البته ناگفته نماند در این مقاله سعی شده تا نکاتی مطرح شوند که برای مردان مجردی هم که قصد ازدواج با زنان مطلقه را دارند مفید باشند.

بایدهای قبل از عقد یک دختر مجرد با یک مرد مطلقه
وقتی می فهمید مردی که به خواستگاری تان آمده قبلاً زن و زندگی داشته و طلاق گرفته است، چه سوالاتی در ذهن شما ردیف می شوند؟ در بین این سوالات به چه نکته هایی باید بیشتر توجه کنید؟  پیشنهاد ما به شما پنج مورد زیر است:

۱٫ چه مدت از طلاق او گذشته است؟ یادتان باشد که طلاق در بهترین حالت یکی از تلخ ترین اتفاقات زندگی برای هر انسانی است. خواستگار شما هم از این قاعده مستثنی نیست و مثل همه آدم ها برای عبور از فرآیند سوگ مربوط به طلاقش نیاز به زمان دارد. نمی شود برای همه افراد مدت زمان مشخصی را تعیین کرد ولی معمولاً توصیه می شود که دست کم بین یک تا دو سال بین طلاق با ازدواج مجدد فاصله باشد تا فرد بتواند  در طی این مدت خودش را بازسازی کند و تکلیفش را با زندگی قبلیش یکسره کند. اگر خواستگارتان به تازگی طلاق گرفته لازم است شما با حواس جمع تری با این قضیه برخورد کنید چون او احتمالاً هنوز از التهابات هیجانی سوگواری طلاقش بیرون نیامده است و این به نفع شما و زندگی تان نخواهد بود.

۲٫ علت طلاق را بپرسید. مهم است که از زبان خود آن فرد علت طلاق را بشنوید و البته از تحقیقات بیشتر هم غفلت نکنید. به خاطر بسپارید که به سراغ همسر قبلی او رفتن، پیش پاافتاده ترین راه تحقیق است که البته همیشه هم راه درستی نیست. یکی از بهترین راه های تحقیق، مراجعه به یک مشاور ازدواج خبره است. یادتان باشد هیچ کس در هیچ سنی برای ازدواج بی نیاز از مشاوره نیست.

۳٫ خانواده تان را وارد قضیه کنید. خانواده باید در جریان مسائل مهم زندگی شما باشند. اگر خواستگارتان به طور فردی از شما درخواست ازدواج کرده است و برای علنی کردن آن دست دست می کند، با تعیین کردن یک محدوده زمانی تکلیف خودتان را مشخص کنید مثلاً با قاطعیت بگویید «اگر شما تا پایان هفته این مسئله را با خانواده من مطرح نکنید، از نظر من خواستگاری منتفی خواهد بود».

۴٫ چه چیزهایی از زندگی قبلی به گردنش است؟ تحقیق کنید آیا بچه هم دارد؟ قرار است بچه ها را پیش خودش نگه دارد؟ اگر بچه ها پیش مادرشان هستند هر چند وقت یکبار با او خواهند بود؟ آیا او ملزم به پرداخت مهریه به همسر قبلی است یا خیر؟ چقدر از درآمدش را باید صرف فرزند و پرداخت مهریه کند؟ پرسیدن این سوالات به شما کمک می کند تا تصور واقعی تری از زندگی مشترک احتمالی تان پیدا کنید.

 

آموزش های قبل از ازدواج

به خاطر ترس از مجرد ماندن در ازدواج عجله نکنید

 

در برخورد با خواستگار مطلقه چند تا کار را نباید بکنید:
۱٫ عجله. به خاطر ترس از مجرد ماندن در ازدواج عجله نکنید.

۲٫ تست جنسی. تا وقتی که رسماً عقد دائم نکرده اید (و به دلایلی مثل صیغه محرمیت) وارد رابطه جنسی نشوید. اگر خواستگارتان به خاطر ناکامی جنسی ای که از ازدواج قبلی اش مطرح می کند برای شما شرط و شروط می گذارد، حواستان را حسابی جمع کنید. 

۳٫ از هول حلیم به دیگ نیفتید. بعضی از دختران مجرد فکر می کنند که خواستگاران مطلقه چون تجربه یک زندگی را داشته اند، پخته ترند. خانه و ماشین دارند و خیلی مزایای دیگر. یادتان باشد لزوماً همه مردان مطلقه پخته تر و منطقی تر نیستند ضمن اینکه به مال دنیا هم اعتباری نیست.

وقتی همسر یک مرد مطلقه می شوید باید چند نکته را از قبل پذیرفته باشید:
۱٫ فرزند او… اگر او از ازدواج قبلی بچه دارد چه با شما زندگی کند و چه نکند باید فرزند را به عنوان یکی از اعضای خانواده تان بپذیرید. اگر هم فرزند با مادرش زندگی می کند باز هم باید بپذیرید که همسرتان هرازگاهی به خاطر فرزندلازم است با همسر سابقش تلفنی صحبت کند و یا او را ببیند.

۲٫ خانواده او… شما باید بپذیرید که خانواده و آشنایان او تا مدتی شما را با همسر قبلی او مقایسه خواهند کرد.

۳٫ تعهدات او… شما باید بپذیرید که او ملزم است هر ماه بخشی از درآمدش را به عنوان مهریه به همسر  قبلی بدهد. اگر هم که بچه دارد باید مخارج او را هم بپردازد.

۴٫ محافظه کاری او… ممکن است او تا مدتی به صورت محافظه کارانه با شما برخورد کند. این به معنای بیمار بودن او نیست بلکه دفاعی است که او از خودش در برابر تکرار آسیب های قبلی می کند. 

منبع: تبیان

 

مجلهتفریحیسرگرمیدخترونه

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