چرا تنبیه روش کارآمدی در تربیت نیست؟

مجله تفریحی سرگرمی دخترونه

 فواید تنبیه کودک,مضرات تنبیه کودک

 تنبیه روش کارآمدی در تربیت نیست

 

 سال ها پیش وقتی در حال گذراندن واحد روان شناسی تربیتی بودم، مبحث جذابی داشتیم تحت این عنوان که «چرا تنبیه روش کارآمدی در تربیت نیست؟» در این بحث به صورت مبسوط عوارض تنبیه مطرح می شد. تا همین چند سال پیش اگر می خواستم والدی را از تنبیه فرزندش بازدارم حتما بر روی عوارض تنبیه متمرکز می شدم، چرا که فکر می کردم بی اطلاعی از عوارض تنبیه و البته ناکارآمدی این روش است که والدین را به سوی تنبیه و به ویژه تنبیه بدنی کودکشان سوق می دهد؛ اما از وقتی در کارگاه های فرزندپروری شرکت کردم و پای حرف های والدین دیگر نشستم و البته از وقتی خودم مادر شدم، فهمیدم داستان چیز دیگری است.

 در طول این سال ها من والدین بسیاری را دیدم که می دانستند تنبیه بدنی روشی کارآمد نیست، اما باز هم از آن استفاده می کردند. والدینی که بعد از هر بار استفاده از این روش تا چند روز غرق احساس گناه می شدند، اما دوباره در برخی موقعیت ها سراغ همان روش ناکارآمد می رفتند. واقعا چرا برخی والدین در تعامل با کودک خود از تنبیه بدنی استفاده می کنند؟

رفتار خود را در طی یک ماه گذشته با فرزندتان مرور کنید. آیا در این مدت به او توهین کرده و فحش داده اید؟ آیا سر او داد زده و او را تحقیر کرده اید؟ آیا او را هل داده و یا کتک زده اید؟ اگر چنین رفتارهایی داشته اید، کمی مکث کنید. آیا تا به حال با خود فکر کرده اید چرا با اینکه می دانید کتک زدن فرزندتان کار درستی نیست و یا تحقیر او عوارض زیادی به دنبال دارد، باز هم در زمان عصبانیت چنین رفتارهایی از شما سر می زند؟ نکند تنبیه کردن بهره ای عاید والدین می کند که باعث تکرار این رفتار شده و کنار گذاشتن آن را دشوار می کند؟

تنبیه راهی برای کسب آرامش؟
در اغلب موارد اگر والدین بر روی احساسات خود دقیق شوند، می توانند متوجه تجربه احساسی غیرمنتظره بعد از هر بار تنبیه فرزندشان شوند. در واقع پیش از آغاز احساس گناه در والدین، احساسی کاملا متفاوت با آن تجربه می شود، احساس خلاصی بعد از انتقام! اما دلیل آن چیست؟ آیا والدینی که این گونه هستند، افرادی سنگدل و خشونت طلب هستند که از آزار فرزند خود لذت می برند و یا این امر واکنشی طبیعی است؟ واقعیت این است که والدینی که دست به تنبیه فرزند خود می زنند، لزوما آدم هایی سنگدل و بدطینت نیستند. گاهی آن ها حتی بسیار دلسوزتر از دیگران هستند. شاید با خود فکر کنید پس برای چه فرزندانشان را تنبیه می کنند؟

برای پاسخ به این سوال می توانیم به چند نکته اشاره کنیم:
• این والدین زمانی که تحت فشار زیاد بوده و تنش بالایی دارند و رفتارهای ناشایست فرزندشان نیز آن ها را کلافه می کند، بیشتر دست به تنبیه می زنند، چرا که تنبیه می تواند برای زمانی کوتاه احساس انتقام گرفتن را در آن ها ارضا کرده و حس رضایت ایجاد کند.

• در بسیاری از مواقع قبل از این که والدین متوجه شوند که دارند جه می کنند، متوجه می شوند که دست روی فرزندشان بلند کرده و یا فحش و ناسزا نثار او کرده اند، چرا که آن ها به دنبال خلاصی از عصبانیت شدیدی بوده اند که فشار زیادی را به آن ها تحمیل می کرده است.

• در آن لحظاتی که آن ها تحت فشار شدید بوده و می خواهند در همان لحظه واکنشی به رفتار ناشایست فرزندشان نشان دهند، اولین چیزی که به ذهن شان می رسد همین گونه رفتارهاست.

به نظر می رسد که اگر بتوانیم در این سه بخش مدیریت بهتری بر روی خودمان داشته باشیم، احتمال تنبیه و بدرفتاری با فرزندمان را نیز تا حدّ زیادی کاهش داده ایم.

 فواید تنبیه کودک,مضرات تنبیه کودک

 والدین زمانی که تحت فشار زیاد بوده و تنش بالایی دارند، بیشتر دست به تنبیه می زنند

 
مواظب فشارهای زندگی باشید
اگر شما سر موضوعات دیگر تحت فشار باشید، احتمال بیشتری دارد که زودتر از کوره در رفته و به طور بیجا سر فرزندتان دادزده و یا دست روی او بلند کنید، چرا که تحمل همه ما محدود است.

چند نکته: درست است که بسیاری از مواردی که سطح تنش را در زندگی شما افزایش می دهد در اختیار شما نیست، اما حداقل کاری که می توانید انجام دهید این است که برای کاهش تنش و استرس در برنامه روزمره خود زمانی را در نظر بگیرید. بسیاری از والدین هیچ برنامه منظم تفریحی و یا آرامش بخشی را برای خود تعریف نکرده اند و همین نیز باعث می شود استرس و تنش آن ها به شدت افزایش یافته و به راحتی با دیدن اشتباه های فرزند از کوره دررفته و در نتیجه احتمال بدرفتاری آن ها نیز افزایش می یابد.

البته تا صحبت از برنامه تفریحی می شود، بسیاری از افراد از کمبود وقت و البته بالابودن هزینه ها شکایت می کنند. همه این حرف ها درست است، اما باور کنید هنوز هم فعالیت هایی هستند که با هزینه پایین می توانند به ما کمک کنند تا سطح تنش را در خودمان کم کنیم؛ کارهایی مانند کاشتن چند گل در یک گلدان و صرف وقت هر روزه برای آن ها، نوشیدن یک لیوان چای همراه با گوش دادن به یک نوایی آرام مانند صدای پرندگان و یا صدای آب ضبط شده، آماده کردن فضایی برای غذای پرندگان در پشت پنجره و تماشای آن ها، برنامه پیاده روی در پارک و یا کوه در آخر هفته و یا حتی برنامه ریزی برای یک دوش آب گرم.

یادتان باشد این که شما کاری را به این نیت انجام دهید که تنش خود را کم می کنید، می تواند به شما کمک کند تا احساس بهتری داشته باشید و البته واکنش های انفجاری و تکانشی شما کاهش پیدا می کند، چرا که شما به صورت غیرمستقیم به خود این پیغام را داده اید که فرد مهم و ارزشمندی هستید و البته چه چیزی بیشتر از این می تواند در این روزهای پرتنش حال شما را بهتر کند!

برای خود زمان بخرید
بسیاری از والدین هنوز نمی دانند چه طور می توانند در اوج عصبانیت خود را آرام کنند. درواقع در این گروه از والدین، تنبیه فرزندان روشی برای انتقام گرفتن و البته آرام شدن محسوب می شود و کوتاه ترین راهی است که می تواند به آن ها کمک کند تا دوباره آرام شوند.

چند نکته: همه ما در زندگی تحت فشارهای مختلف هستیم و عصبانی شدن امری طبیعی است. اما اگر لیستی از کارهایی تهیه کنید که می تواند در زمانی کوتاه شما را تا حدی آرام کند و از آن لیست در زمان عصبانیت بهره بگیرید، می توانید تا حد زیادی مانع تکرار رفتارهای آسیب زننده به فرزندتان شوید؛ کارهایی مثل رفتن داخل اتاق و نگاه به تابلوی زیبایی که در آن جا دارید، نوشیدن آب، رفتن داخل بالکن برای چند ثانیه، بستن چشم ها و شمردن تا پنج.

یادتان باشد یکی از مهم ترین فواید انجام چنین کارهایی، خرید زمان برای شماست. درواقع شما با انجام کارهایی که می تواند تنها کمی به شما آرامش بدهد، بین احساس عصبانیت شدید خود و انجام واکنش به قدر چند ثانیه فاصله می اندازید، چند ثانیه ای که در بسیاری از مواقع می تواند به شما کمک کند تا گزینه بهتری را جایگزین تنبیه بدنی کنید. 

 تنبیه,تنبیه کودک,راههای تنبیه کودک

 بسیاری از رفتارهای تنبیهی والدین نه برنامه ریزی شده که به صورت انفجاری و ناگهانی است

 
تنبیه را بازتولید نکنید
درواقع بسیاری از رفتارهای تنبیهی والدین نه برنامه ریزی شده که به صورت انفجاری و ناگهانی است. این موارد بیشتر در افرادی دیده می شود که خود تجربه تنبیه شدن در کودکی را داشته اند. درواقع در ذهن آن ها تنبیه یک گزینه محسوب می شود، هرچند خود در گذشته از آن آسیب دیده اند. در زمان آرامش لیستی از فعالیت های جایگزین برای کاهش رفتارهای ناشایست فرزندتان و البته در کنار آن، لیستی برای تقویت رفتارهای شایسته فرزندتان تهیه کنید.

این لیست را حتما جایی یادداشت کنید که بتوانید هر روز آن را ببینید. در رابطه با واکنش های احتمالی در برابر رفتارهای ناشایست فرزندتان برنامه ریزی قبلی داشته باشید و حتی با او در این مورد صحبت کنید. به عنوان مثال در صورت تکرار پرت کردن وسایل، لازم است به مدت یک دقیقه روی صندلی در سکوت کامل بنشیند و یا در صورت خراب کردن وسیله ای در خانه از روی بی مبالاتی و استفاده نکردن صحیح، از پول توجیبی او برای تعمیر و یا خرید دوباره آن استفاده کنید.

و نکته آخر این که اگر در کودکی سابقه کتک خوردن، ناسزا شنیدن و یا تحقیر از سوی والدین خود را دارید، از این تجارب ناخوشایند به عنوان فرصتی ویژه بهره بگیرید! چرا که شما بهتر از هر کسی می توانید حال بد فرزندتان را بعد از شنیدن چند ناسزا و یا کتک خوردن درک کنید.

 

منبیع: ماهنامه سپیده دانایی / برترین ها

مجلهتفریحیسرگرمیدخترونه

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