چگونه مهارت‌های همدلی را بیاموزیم؟

مجله تفریحی سرگرمی دخترونه

چگونه مهارت‌های همدلی را بیاموزیم؟

افراد همدل

همدلی نوع خاصی از توجه داشتن به دیدگاه دیگری است‎

 

دکترزایر رضایی، روان شناس بالینی کودک و نوجوان: انسان ها در قرن حاضر برای مقابله سازگارانه با استرس ها، موقعیت های مختلف و تعارض های زندگی به روش هایی نیاز دارند که آنها را به توانایی هایی مجهز کنند. برهمین اساس، سازمان جهانی بهداشت در سال ۱۹۹۳ میلادی برای پیشگیری اولیه و همچنین ارتقاء سطح بهداشت روانی، برنامه مدونی با عنوان «آموزش مهارت های زندگی» آماده کرده است که هدف آن، افزایش توانایی های روانی- اجتماعی کودکان است تا با تجهیز کودکان به این مهارت ها، آنها بتوانند با تقاضا و کشمکش های زندگی روزانه به طور سازگارانه کنار بیایند. این توانایی ها فرد را قادر می کند در رابطه با سایر انسان ها، جامعه، فرهنگ و محیط خود، مثبت و سازگارانه عمل کرده و سلامت روانی خود را تامین کند.

 

یادگیری این مهارت ها بر تلقی افراد از کفایت خود یعنی بر اعتماد به نفس و عزت نفس آنها موثر است در نتیجه انگیزه فرد در مراقبت از خود و دیگران، پیشگیری از بیماری های روانی و مشکلات بهداشتی و رفتاری افزایش می یابد. مهارت های زندگی چه هستند؟

 

تحلیل های بیشتر و عمیق تر نشان می دهد چند مهارت اصلی و اساسی وجود دارند که عبارتند از: 

۱٫    توانایی تصمیم گیری

۲٫    توانایی حل مساله

۳٫    توانایی تفکر خلاق

۴٫    توانایی تفکر نقادانه

۵٫    توانایی برقراری رابطه موثر

۶٫    توانایی برقراری رابطه بین فردی سازگارانه

۷٫    توانایی آگاهی از خود

۸٫    توانایی همدلی با دیگران

۹٫    توانایی مقابله با استرس

 

چرا و چگونه باید مهارت همدلی را بیاموزیم؟ 

از آنجا که پرداختن به همه این مهارت ها از حوصله این بحث خارج است، در این مطلب درباره مهارت همدلی که یکی از مهم ترین مهارت هاست، توضیح میدهیم.

 

مهارت همدلی 

محققان معتقدند، همدلی توانمندی ای است که وجود آن را از نخستین سال های زندگی در کودک می توان مشاهده کرد. از نخستین سال های زندگی، بسیاری از رفتارهای کودک حاکی از این واقعیت است که او قادر به درک دیگران است و می تواند با آنها همدلی کند. با وجود این، افراد مختلف از نظر توانایی و تمایل به همدلی کردن با هم متفاوت اند و این تفاوت در میل به همدلی در افراد مختلف به شیوه تربیت کودکان از جانب والدین بستگی دارد. درصد قابل توجهی از رفتارهای همدلانه کودکان از طریق تماشای شیوه واکنش نشان دادن اطرافیان در مقابل درماندگی دیگران شکل می گیرد. کودکان با تقلید از آنچه که می بینند، واکنش های حاکی از همدلی را در خود به وجود می آورند.

 

متاسفانه امروزه شاهد این واقعیت هستیم که با بزرگ تر شدن کودکان و ورود آنها به جامعه، توان همدلی در آنها کاهش می یابد و این یکی از بزرگ ترین معضلات جامعه ای است که سمت صنعتی شدن می رود. هر یک از ما آنقدر درگیر مسائل شخصی خود هستیم که فرصتی برای با هم بودن پیدا نمی کنیم. یا آنقدر ارتباطاتمان مرزبندی شده، که هنگام وقوع مشکلات خواه به دلیل احترام گذاشتن به وقت دیگران و خواه به دلیل عدم اعتماد به خود مسائل خود را با دیگران در میان نمی گذاریم. به این ترتیب روز به روز از میزان توان همدلی ما با دیگران کاسته می شود.حال که به نقش پراهمیت همدلی پی برده اید، ممکن است این سوال در ذهنتان شکل بگیرد که همدلی چیست؟ و چگونه می توان این توانایی را در خود پرورش داد؟

 

تعریف همدلی 

همدلی نوع خاصی از توجه داشتن به دیدگاه دیگری است. درواقع، همدلی دو جزء شناختی و یک حزء عاطفی دارد. اجزای شناختی همدلی عبارتند از توانایی در شناسایی و نامگذاری حالات دیگران و توانایی در حدس زدن دیدگاه اشخاص دیگر. جزء عاطفی آن عبارت است از توانایی در نشان دادن پاسخ عاطفی مناسب، به منظور برقراری روابط همدلانه. فرد باید بتواند خود را به جای دیگران بگذارد، امور را از دیدگاه آنها ببیند و از خود بپرسد اگر من به جای او و در شرایط او بودم، چه احساسی داشتم؟ شراط لازم برای انجام چنین کاری خودآگاهی است.

 

وقتی ما بتوانیم خودمان را با تمام کمبودها و توانایی هایمان بشناسیم، آنگاه دیگران را با همان وضعیتی که هستند با تمام نقاط ضعف و قوتشان می پذیریم و به آنها احترام می گذاریم. از دیگر شرایط لازم برای ایجاد همدلی بین افراد، اعتماد متقابل است. به عبارت دیگر اعتماد متقابل هنگامی ایجاد می شود که طرفین درگیر در ارتباط، نسبت به همدیگر یکدلی، آسایش و امنیت خاطر داشته باشند و این اعتماد حاصل نمی شود، مگر با شناخت تفاوت های فردی و احترام گذاشتن به آن.

 

تفاوت های بین فردی و تاثیر آن در برقراری روابط همدلانه 

محققان بر این باورند دو عامل اصلی تفاوت های بین فردی، ابتدا تفاوت در ساختار ژنتیکی افراد و سپس تفاوت در محیط زندگی آنهاست. هر فرد ساختار ژنتیکی خاص خود را دارد و هر خانواده ای شیوه، روش زندگی و روش تربیتی مخصوص به خود را داراست. خانواده ها براساس روش تربیتی متنوع، کودکان متفاوتی تربیت می کنند. محیط مدرسه، دوستان و همسالان هر یک به گونه ای خاص در چگونگی رشد شخصیت ما تاثیر می گذارند و فرهنگ حاکم بر جامعه و طبقه اجتماعی خاصی که هر یک از ما در آن قرار گرفته ایم خود بر چگونه بودن و ویژگی های روانی- اجتماعی ما تاثیر بگذارند. مجموعه عوامل فوق از ما، فردی منحصر به فرد می سازد که در بعضی زمینه ها یا بعضی ویژگی ها با دیگران متفاوت و در برخی دیگر مشابه هستیم.

 

بعضی از افراد معتقدند تفاوت ها مانعی بزرگ بر سر راه روابط صمیمانه است و فکر می کنند در برقراری روابط نزدیک با دیگران باید افرادی را برگزینند که بیشترین شباهت ها را با آنها داشته باشند. مسلما چنین باورهایی به فرد اجازه نمی دهد با صبر و تحمل به احساسات و افکار دیگران توجه کند و دیگران را همان گونه که هستند، ببیند و بپذیرد و دوست بدارد. شاید بتوان گفت بسیاری از رفتارهای نامناسبی که ما در جوامع مختلف شاهد آن هستیم؛ یعنی رفتارهایی مانند بی عدالتی ها، تبعیض ها، تحقیرها، تهدیدها و… ناشی از همین باور نادرست است. از سوی دیگر برخی از انسان ها بر این باورند تفاوت ها فرصت هایی مغتنم در زندگی هر فرد هستند.

 

تفاوت ها فرصت های چالش برانگیزی هستند که به ما اجازه می دهند دوباره خود را نقاط ضعف و قوت خود را ببینیم. تفاوت ها به ما فرصت می دهند بفهمیم با چه مهارت هایی آشنا نیستیم و باید دنبال کسب آنها باشیم. توجه به تفاوت های فردی، پذیرش آنها و احترام به این تفاوت ها یکی از اصول پایه ای و مهم در برقراری روابط همدلانه با دیگران است. در پایان ذکر این نکته ضروری است که هدف از توجه به تفاوت های بین فردی، نادیده گرفتن و کم اهمیت تلقی کردن نقش شباهت ها در برقراری روابط همدلانه نیست و مسلما هر چقدر شباهت های بین فردی بیشتر باشد، توان برقراری همدلانه بیشتر خواهدبود.

 

مهارت همدلی کردن

مهارت همدلی یکی از مهم ترین مهارت هاست که باید آموخت‎

 

راه های رسیدن به همدلی 

هرگاه بتوانیم چارچوب ذهنی دیگران را بشناسیم و بدانیم چه چیزی برایشان اهمیت دارد، با برآوردن انتظاراتشان به سهولت می توانیم با آنها رابطه ای گرم و صمیمی ایجا کرده و در آنها نفوذ کنیم. برای شناخت چارچوب های ذهنی افراد مختلف، باید از سوابق زندگی و تجربیات گذشته آنها اطلاعاتی به دست آورد؛ از نقاط ضعف، حساسیت ها و گرایش های آنها آگاه شد و سپس مسائل را از دریچه چشم آنها دید. درواقع باید حتی الامکان چارچوب ذهنی خود را به چارچوب ذهنی فرد دیگری نزدیک تر کرد تا زمینه سخن گفتن فراهم آید و ارتباط برقرار شود. خواه چارچوب های ذهنی ما به طور طبیعی به هم نزدیک باشند و خواه به اختیار آنها را به هم نزدیک کنیم. هر چه این تقارن بیشتر باشد، ارتباط ما با یکدیگر موفق تر و توان همدلی کردن ما با دیگران بیشتر است.

 

احساسات و هیجانات خود را کنترل کنید 

دو نفر را تصور کنید که بر سر مساله ای بسیار عصبانی هستند. این دو نفر یک احساس واحد دارند، اما احساس خود را به شکل های مختلفی بروز می دهند. اولی به سرعت عکس العمل نشان می دهد فحاشی می کند و دیگری احساسات خود را کنترل می کند، از عکس العمل آتی خودداری و قبل از بروز هر عکس العملی فکر می کند. سهم خود را می بیند و سپس متناسب با موقعیت عکس العمل نشان می دهد. میزان مهارت افراد در بیان احساسات، ویژگی اجتماعی مهمی است که به برقراری ارتباط هرچه بهتر با دیگران کمک می کند. مهارت بیان احساس به شکل مناسب یکی از اجزای سازنده هوش هیجانی است. هوش هیجانی مجموعه ای از توانمندی هاست که طی آن فرد می تواند انگیزه خود را حفظ کرده و در مقابل ناملایمات پایداری کند. تکانش های خود را نیز کنترل کند و متناسب با موقعیت پاسخ مناسب بدهد.

 

حقیقت این است که یکی از عوامل مهم زیربنایی در دستیابی به همدلی، تسلط بر هیجانات و احساسات است. برای برقراری روابط همدلانه باید احساسات خود را شناخت، کنترل تکانش های خود را در دست گرفت و اجازه نداد پریشانی خاطر، تفکر را خدشه دار کند. انتقال احساسات منفی به دیگران و عدم کنترل هیجان ها نیز از مهم ترین عوامل تخریب روابط همدلانه است. یکی دیگر از ابزارهای مهم رسیدن به همدلی، گوش دادن و شنیدن صحبت های طرف مقابل است. برای کسب اطلاعات خوب و سودمند تنها شنیدن سخنان دیگران کافی نیست. آنچه مهم به حساب می آید، کیفیت گوش دادن است. واکنش های شما هنگام گوش کردن، سوالاتی که مطرح می کنید و حالات و حرکات شما، همگی در دقیق شنیدن موثر هستند.

 

برای این که بتوانید با دیگران همدلی کنید، باید واقعا گوش کنید. گوش کردن نیمه دیگر صحبت کردن نیست، بلکه به غیر از گوش کردن، از قلب و چشمان خود نیز مدد می گیرید. باید به طور موقت احساسات شخصی، انتظارات و پیش داوری ها را از دخالت در قدرت شنوایی خود دور نگه دارید و به همه چیز از دریچه چشم گوینده بنگرید. گوش کردن واقعی کار دشواری است و انرژی زیادی می طلبد. درد آشنایی، یک فن است و مانند هر فن دیگری باید با تمرین و ممارست با آن خو گرفت. برای پرورش این حس باید مترصد فرصت هایی باشید تا اوضاع و شرایط را از دیدگاه فرد دیگر ببینید. به عبارت دیگر، با کند و کاو در تمایلات و گرایش های فرد، از چشم اندازی که آنها به موضوعات می نگرند، بنگرید و آنگاه با صدای بلند به ایشان بگویید که اگر به جای آنها بودید چه احساسی داشتید.

 

با مهارت در این فن، شاهد تحولی عظیم در روابط خود برمبنای احساسات و افکار مشترک خواهید بود. این تمرین را ابتدا با کسانی آغاز کنید که با آنها روابط خوبی دارید. پس از آن که در این زمینه مهارت به دست آوردید، به تدریج سراغ افرادی بروید که از نظر عقاید و ارزش ها با شما تفاوت بیشتری دارند و ایجاد رابطه با آنها مشکل تر است و سرانجام افرادی را انتخاب کنید که به سختی می توانید افکار و عقاید آنها را درک کنید. به این ترتیب شما آموخته اید که چگونه با دیگران به بهترین وجه همدلی کنید و یک رابطه همدلانه توأم با دوستی و صمیمیت و احساس آرامش به وجود آورید.

 

چطور با دیگران هماهنگ شویم؟ 

راه های بسیاری برای رسیدن به هماهنگی با دیگران وجود دارد که در ادامه به برخی از مهم ترین این راه ها اشاره می کنیم:

 

زبان بدن: وضعیت نشستن، حرکت دست، شکل کلی ایستادن، زاویه سر، شیوه

 

شیوه سخن گفتن: بلندی، سرعت و لحن کلام، واژه های انتخابی، اصطلاحات خاص، واژه های بیگانه، اصطلاحات کوچه- بازاری و عبارات حرفه ای، چگونگی و شیوه سخن گفتن را معین می کند. واقعیت این است که تنظیم صدا، سرعت و آهنگ کلام، در رسیدن به همدلی به شما کمک خواهندکرد.

 

درک و پذیرش دیگران: هر چقدر بیشتر بتوانید شباهت های خود را با دیگران پیدا کنید و هر چقدر بیشتر تفاوت هایتان را بپذیرید و به آنها احترام بگذارید، امکان دستیابی به هماهنگی فکری- روانی و اجتماعی بیشتر خواهدشد و در نتیجه در برقراری روابط همدلانه موفق تر خواهید بود.

 

منبع: هفته نامه سلامت

 

مجلهتفریحیسرگرمیدخترونه

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