چیز‌هایی که مردان در مورد رابطه جنسی و زنان نمی‌دانند

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چیز‌هایی که مردان در مورد رابطه جنسی و زنان نمی‌دانند

مغز شما به عنوان یک مرد هنگام رابطه‌ی جنسی خاموش می‌شود‎

 

اگر مردی هستید که دوست دارید همسرتان از رابطه‌ی جنسی با شما راضی و شاد باشد پس این مطلب را بخوانید. یا شاید هم جزو مردهایی باشید که تاکنون نتوانسته‌اید رابطه‌ی جنسی خوب و رضایت بخشی با همسرتان داشته باشید، این مطلب برای شما هم هست.

 

چیزی که هنوز در مورد همسرتان و رابطه‌ی جنسی نمی‌دانید 

مغز شما به عنوان یک مرد هنگام رابطه‌ی جنسی خاموش می‌شود، اما همسر شما به عنوان یک زن نمی‌تواند به راحتی مغزش را خاموش کند! حتی اگر از جالب‌ترین و جذاب‌ترین حرکات در رابطه‌تان استفاده کنید.

 

خاموش و ساکت کردن مغز برای خانمها به چند دلیل نشدنی است که شرطی شدن اجتماعی، اصلی‌ترین آنهاست. در شروع یک رابطه‌ی زناشویی، فعالیت جنسی بسیار هیجان انگیز است. طی ماه عسل، هم مرد و هم زن از کشف تجربیات جدید در روابطی که با هم دارند لذت می‌برند. شناختن همدیگر پروسه‌ای است که رابطه‌ی جنسی را نیز دربر می‌گیرد. همه چیز تازه است و رازگشایی‌ها در وجود همسر، انرژی بخش و هیجان انگیز است.

 

اما زمانی که این هیجان شروع می‌کند به فروکش کردن، الگوهای قدیمی بروز می‌کنند. و این زمانی است که حتی اگر تمام تلاش‌تان را بکنید تا همسرتان را از نظر جنسی راضی کنید، اما برای او ممکن است چیزهایی تغییر کرده باشد. او هم احتمالا همان کارها را تکرار می‌کند، حرکات و رفتارهای جنسی‌اش همچنان درست است و ظاهرا همه چیز طبق روال پیش می‌رود. او هم تمام تلاشش را می‌کند که شما را راضی کند اما ذهنش در واقع جای دیگری سرگردان است.

 

ذهن ما به سختی کار می‌کند تا مطمئن شود که در لحظه نیستیم زیرا شرطی شده‌ایم که باور کنیم نباید از رابطه‌ی جنسی لذت ببریم. هر چند هم زنان و هم مردان در طول زندگی خود تحت تاثیر باورهای غلط در مورد رابطه‌ی جنسی هستند اما معمولا زنها یک باور در ضمیر نیمه خودآگاه خود دارند که می‌گوید رابطه‌ی جنسی، بد، خطرناک و کار زشتی است.

 

واضح است که برخی از خانمها هیچکدام از این این مشکلات را ندارند و می‌توانند به طور طبیعی و به راحتی از رابطه‌ی جنسی لذت ببرند و اگر همسر شما جزو این خانمهاست پس مجبور نیستید به خواندن این مطلب ادامه دهید!

 

اما مشکل اینجاست که بسیاری از زنها، در ابتدا رابطه‌ی جنسی را دوست دارند اما کمی بعد دیگر نمی‌توانند از آن لذت ببرند.

 

زنها خودشان از وجود این باور در ضمیر نیمه آگاهشان بی‌خبرند 

ما در جامعه‌ای بزرگ شده‌ایم که درک و برداشت جنسی را از نگاه مردان به ما منتقل می‌کند و ما تصور می‌کنیم به کنش‌های جنسی باید به روشی خاص واکنش نشان بدهیم. این شیوه ممکن است برای بیشتر مردها و بعضی از خانمها جوابگو باشد اما خیلی از خانمها از رابطه‌ی جنسی خود راضی نیستند زیرا سعی می‌کنند خودشان را با الگوهای جنسی تطبیق دهند که به درد آنها نمی‌خورد یا با آنها جور نیست. و از آنجاییکه هرگز در معرض الگوی متفاوتی قرار نمی‌گیرند به جایی می‌رسند که بیشتر و بیشتر فرسوده و ناراضی شده و آرامش و لذتی نمی‌یابند.

 

فرقی نمی‌کند تکنیک‌ها و مهارت‌های جنسی شما چقدر جذاب و شگفت انگیز باشد و فرقی نمی‌کند شما چه کارها که نمی‌کنید تا اول او به لذت و رضایت برسد؛ اگر همسر شما در پروسه‌ی باورهای اشتباه جنسی و خاموشی و سکوت در این مورد به سر ببرد، تلاش‌های شما به جایی نخواهد رسید. شما به عنوان مردی که دوست دارد همسرش را از نظر جنسی کاملا راضی و شاد کند با مشکل بزرگی روبرو هستید و آن این است که او نمی‌تواند به راحتی شما را در جریان احساسات خود قرار دهد و به شما بگوید از چه چیزی خوشش می‌آید و از چه چیزی بیزار است. در بیشتر موارد صحبت در مورد چنین چیزهایی برای زنها خجالت آور است و برای همین از روابط جنسی خود ناراضی‌اند.

 

چنین می‌شود که باوجود اینکه شما مردی هستید که به تمام احساسات همسرتان توجه می‌کنید و از هیچ تلاشی برای راضی کردن او در روابط جنسی دریغ نمی‌کنید، همسر شما همچنان ناخشنود است. او خودش هم نمی‌داند چرا و احتمالا بدون اینکه بفهمد، احساس گناه هم می‌کند که دو دلیل دارد:

 

او بابت فعالیت جنسی که دارد احساس گناه می‌کند چون رابطه‌ی جنسی از نظرش، زشت و کثیف است.

او از اینکه نمی‌تواند از رابطه‌ی جنسی لذت ببرد احساس گناه می‌کند چون می‌داند که شما تمام تلاش خود را برای راضی کردن او می‌کنید.

  

چه باید کرد؟ 

برای اینکه مطمئن شوید همسر و شریک زندگی و عشق‌تان از رابطه‌ی جنسی لذت می‌برد باید خود شما آسان کننده‌ی تغییر در الگوی فکری او باشید. این شما هستید که باید به همسرتان کمک کنید تا تمام برداشت‌های غلطش از رابطه‌ی جنسی را دور بریزد. این همان تغییر است که شما را به این باور می‌رساند که لزومی ندارد رابطه‌ی جنسی شما حتما یک پایان طلایی و رویایی با ارگاسمی شدید داشته باشد، بلکه هدف، تقویت صمیمیت بین شما دو نفر است.

  

هدف، رابطه‌ای جنسی است که با خودش احساس گناه و شرم و سایر احساسات ناراحت کننده را به دنبال نداشته باشد؛ یعنی یک رابطه‌ی جنسی هوشمندانه!

 

رابطه‌ی جنسی هوشمندانه این پتانسیل را دارد که تغییرات لازم را ایجاد کند و به همسرتان این اجازه را می‌دهد که توانایی‌های پنهان و واقعی جنسی‌اش را کشف کند و بپذیرد، بدون اینکه برای رسیدن به هدف خودش را تحت فشار قرار دهد، درک می‌کند که فقط کافیست در لحظه حضور داشته باشد و ارتباط برقرار کند. هیچ تکنیک خاصی وجود ندارد اما راهنمایی‌هایی برای‌تان داریم.

 

مهمترین توصیه‌ای که می‌توانیم به شما بکنیم این است که مطمئن شوید هر دوی شما حضور ذهن دارید و در لحظه حاضرید و بیشتر روی حس‌های غیر جنسی متمرکز شوید، یعنی لمس‌ها و نوازش‌ها، لذت بردن از در آغوش کشیدن و بوسه‌های مهربانانه. بهتر است شور جنسی‌تان را فعلا خاموش کنید، آرام بمانید و عشقبازی کنید.

 

نگران ارگاسم خودتان و همسرتان نباشید و ارتباط برقرار کردن و عشق ورزیدن را برای تقویت صمیمیت‌تان به کار ببرید. فعالیت جنسی شما می‌تواند زمانی روی بدهد که هر دوی شما بتوانید عمق رابطه‌تان را حفظ کنید و دقیقا به همین دلیل باید خیلی آرام و با حوصله پیش بروید، هیچ عجله یا حرکت ناگهانی و تندی نداشته باشید، اجباری در کار نباشد و فقط به میل همسرتان پیش بروید. نگران حفظ نعوظ تان هم نباشید، اگر از دستش دادید هیچ ایرادی ندارد، می‌توانید بدون آن هم این با هم بودن را با لذت بردن از عشقبازی‌های‌تان به پایان برسانید.

 

هر نوع تماسی را که انتخاب می‌کنید به چشمهای همسرتان نگاه کنید؛ ببینید آیا همچنان حضور ذهن دارد یا حواسش پرت شده. از او بپرسید: الان دوست داری چکار کنم تا بیشتر با هم بمانیم؟ اگر می‌خواهید همسر شما لذت جنسی را حس کند، اول و مهمتر از هر چیزی باید مطمئن شوید که می‌تواند حین رابطه‌ی جنسی، تمرکز و حضور در لحظه داشته باشد. فقط در چنین شرایطی است که می‌توانید هر تکنیکی را که برای هر دوی شما برانگیزاننده است به کار ببرید.

  

چه مقدار رابطه‌ی جنسی هوشمندانه در رابطه‌ی زناشویی لازم است؟ 

بسته به مشکلی که هم اکنون در رابطه‌ی جنسی شما وجود دارد، تغییراتی که روی می‌دهد می‌تواند شدت‌های متفاوتی داشته باشد. اگر هم جزو زوج‌‌هایی هستید که زندگی جنسی‌تان لذتبخش است و هر دوی شما بدون مشکل و نارضایتی فعالیت جنسی دارید، باز هم توصیه می‌کنیم رابطه‌ی جنسی هوشمندانه را هر چند وقت یکبار امتحان کنید و اثرش را ببینید.

 

اگر متوجه شدید همسرتان در فاصله‌ای با شما قرار دارد که مانع می‌شود تمام و کمال با شما باشد و در لحظه حضور داشته باشد یا اگر از رابطه‌ی جنسی اجتناب می‌کند و شما را از خود می‌راند، توصیه می‌کنیم فقط رابطه‌ی جنسی هوشمندانه داشته باشید تا زمانی که علائم، به میزان قابل توجهی تغییر کنند و بهتر شوند.

 

منبع: برترین ها

 

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